


Memories & Backstories For Carnival of Rust

by EspadaIV



Series: Carnival of Rust [5]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Blood, Blood and Violence, Blowjobs, Could Trigger Bad Memories, Death Threats, Dubcon contact, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Gaslighting, Grimmjow is a Hero!, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Nnoitra Dies Yay!, Nnoitra Is A Bastard!, Violence, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:51:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EspadaIV/pseuds/EspadaIV
Summary: Backstories and miscellaneous memories from the Carnival of Rust series.Chapter 1 - 3: Nel, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra's backstories about their childhood and growing up together.Chapter 4: A request for a continuation from Troubled By The Way We Came Together Chapter 12 & 13 (AKA the head scene).Chapter 5: Outtake from Chapter 29 of Deep Six





	1. Stumbleline

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yo, chico... Yeah, that was a Scott Hall reference. Anyway. Don't own, don't sue. Blah blah blah. I got a lot of messages on Tumblr for backstories and a couple ppl on here commented, HEY, WE WANT BACKSTORY!
> 
> Well, okay, hold your shit. It takes time to write if you want well thought out drivel instead of the shit I post on FF.net. True story. Nel has blonde hair because I try to make my fics realistic as possible. Grimmjow just reminds me of a guy with brown hair if it wasn't blue.
> 
> WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
> 
> Okay, this backstory contains DUB-CON/Almost leaning towards NON-CONish elements. Don't like it? Don't read it or skip it. Grimmjow's and Ulquiorra's stories tell the same story different perspectives.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nel's perspective on her childhood which includes her meeting with Grimmjow, Ulquiorra and ultimately Nnoitra. It contains information pertaining to Nel and Nnoitra's screwed up relationship and the demise of Nnoitra, which is told in vague detail in Carnival of Rust. We see the reason WHY she doesn't like Ulquiorra's decision to work for Shinji and her dislike for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
> 
> Okay, this backstory contains DUB-CON/Almost leaning towards NON-CONish elements. It happens in the world, so don't be like I don't want to read this or I don't like reading this. If you don't like it, don't read. I portray Nnoitra as a fucking asshole who is a level 10 piece of shit, narcissist who basically abuses Nel. He dies at the end by getting shot several times (my partner says this death was too good for him and is trying to convince me to write Nnoitra dying in a horrifying scene.). I didn't like Nnoitra. His whole attitude sucked and he looked freaky.
> 
> I use real-life experiences for my stories. I had to go through some shit like this. Not to the extent that Nel went through but damn, it sucked. If something like this has happened to you, I'm sorry. If you are triggered. I'm sorry. You were warned. If you are offended... Well, I'm sorry too. I'm a rather offensive person.
> 
> The title of this chapter comes from The Smashing Pumpkin's song "Stumbleine". I was listening to it one day and then began jotting down my thoughts on what I thought happened as Nel's backstory. I also listened to some other music which as always, will be in the endnotes.

**Nel**

 

Nel could remember back to when she was four years old. Her real dad left them. Her parents fought terribly and all of a sudden, he was gone. Not that he was a good guy. He drank. He beat her mom. He sometimes hit her. Then about six months of her dad being gone, Nel's mom had met Dondachakka, or as he liked to be called Don. She called him Dad. He married her mom after six months of coming around. Her mom said that Don had been an old friend from her school days.

 

She remembered her mom one night telling her something very important about love. "Nelliel, you should marry your best friend. Don't go for the first guy you fall for."

 

Nel nodded her head and agreed with her mom. Then the tiny family moved from Osaka to Nikko. Don had said there were opportunities for him to cultivate his business and that the big city was too saturated. She wouldn't find out until later that her mom lost her job at a factory. They couldn't survive on Don's salary alone. So they moved to Nikko where Don's family was. They gave them money so Don could start his own tattooing business. Her mom became a well-known seamstress and tailor, doing work for those around Tochigi Prefecture.

 

Don's friend, Kenpachi, also came around to help them when it was needed. He was a good guy. He was a single dad with numerous girlfriends. His wife had died years ago. His daughter, Yachiru was funny and adorable.

 

They were a happy family. They had fun. Nel knew that she was loved. She realized though, not everyone liked her. People thought she was weird when she entered school in her third year of elementary school. The girls made fun of her and mocked her. It was hard having blonde hair and hazel eyes when she was surrounded by people who had inky black hair and dark eyes. She would look at her mom and wonder why she didn't look like the woman.

 

Why did she look so much like her real father? 

 

That first day of school in the new town had been hell. She spent most of that day by herself. At lunchtime, she found herself being surrounded by girls who gave her polite insults about her light hair and eyes. Nel told her mom that she didn't want to go back. Her mother told her to make one friend. When the girls came around the next day Nel looked down at the ground. She took their comments until a male voice scattered the other females.

 

When she looked up, she saw a boy with blue eyes and brown hair.

 

"I'm Grimmjow," the boy said. He stood taller than her. There was another boy standing behind him with black hair and green eyes. The third had long black hair and black eyes.

 

"Uh, I'm Nelliel," she mumbled.

 

"Your name is too long and stupid," the boy with the long black hair said to her.

 

The boy with blue eyes, Grimmjow, glared at that one. He said, "Shut it, Nnoitra. Can we call you Nel?"

 

And that's all it took. She had made friends. Of course, they were two males and one jerk but she had friends and the other girls never bothered her. She had protectors.

 

The fourth-year flew by. She sat next to Grimmjow and Nnoitra was across the room.

 

The fifth-year dragged because she was in a class with Nnoitra and Ulquiorra.

 

The sixth-year flew by because she was in the same class as her friends. They all got in trouble except for the quiet one, Ulquiorra. Nel didn't mind him much but he looked at her like she was something unpleasant.

 

The seventh year came and Nel was excited to see her friends. She saw their eyebrows shoot up as she approached them. Her body had changed over the break. Well, it started in fifth-year but she mostly kept it hidden with her clothing. She couldn't hide it any longer as the school uniforms were becoming more tailored. She was a busty young girl. She had a nice figure because her mom insisted on them doing yoga and other exercises every night. Nel knew she was strong because Don let her lift weights and took her to Kenpachi's building to learn how to fight.

 

“Well damn, Nelliel,” Nnoitra leered at her. Nel had rolled her eyes and stomped past him.

 

Grimmjow finally said something to her when they were on the roof of the school at lunchtime. Ulquiorra sat with them while he mutely drank a juice box. “You're different,” the blue-eyed boy said.

 

“How so?”

 

He shrugged, “I dunno. Besides the obvious.”

 

“He means your tits,” Nnoitra snapped, butting his beady-eyed face into their conversation.

 

Nel shrieked as his hand with its weirdly long fingers shot out and grabbed one of her breasts. Grimmjow ended up punching Nnoitra in the face. They both got into trouble. The next day, she sat with Ulquiorra who still remained silent.

 

The green-eyed boy didn't say anything unless he was asked a question. Nel was too afraid to talk to him. It was a boring week without Grimmjow around.

 

Eighth-year came around and new neighbors had moved in next to Nel's family. They had a girl about her age. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. Nel immediately befriended her. She spent most of the break with Rangiku and occasionally went over to Grimmjow's house.

 

She didn't dare bring Rangiku around the boys. It was hard telling how they would react to two busty teens. Grimmjow would stare and possibly drool. Ulquiorra would stare and say nothing, eventually giving a quiet scoff. Nnoitra... Nel shook her head. She didn't want to think about what _he_ would do.

 

It was one summer day during the break that she walked to Grimmjow's house. She wasn't wearing much, just a tank top and shorts. It was one of those freak days, where the temperature spiked really high. He opened the door and let her in the house.

  
  
“Nnoitra's here,” he said as they both shuffled back to his bedroom. She glared at him. “I'm just warning you.”

 

“You could have told me over the phone so I could have put more clothing on,” she complained. Nel pouted. Grimmjow had called her over so that she could help him with something.

 

The blue-eyed boy sighed. “He kind of showed up, so don't bitch at me,” he grumbled.

 

“Excuuuuuuse me,” she snarked. Nel was surprised to see Grimmjow pivot in the middle of the hallway and stare her down. She took a step back because, at that moment, she felt threatened.

 

“Look, just be careful around him, okay?” 

 

Nel nodded. Once they entered the bedroom she could see Nnoitra was busying himself with a video game. He didn't even look at her as he said, “Hey bitch! What brings you to the slums?”

 

Her hazel eyes watched as Grimmjow delivered a swift kick to the other male's leg. She smirked and said, “Try all you'd like Nnoitra. I'm not getting into a pissing match with you.”

 

She saw his eyes slide over in her direction. She didn't miss the expression of contempt. The tension in the room was thick until Grimmjow cleared his throat. “Nel, do you know how to dye hair?”

 

Her eyebrow shot up and she spent most of the afternoon bleaching Grimmjow's head of hair. His mother had flipped out when she got off work and walked into her son's room to see his hair was no longer brown but almost a platinum blond. It didn't help the next week she helped him color the messy nest of hair electric blue.

 

She was sitting on his bed. She became intrigued as she watched him walk into his bedroom after washing the dye out of his hair in just a towel. The interest quickly turned in to embarrassment. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

“What?” he said with a confused look on his face. “The hell is your problem, lady?”

 

“I can leave the room if you need privacy!”

 

“Tch, don't start. You're just Nel.”

 

This statement offended her. What did he mean she was just Nel? She looked at her lap with a pout on her face. “What does that mean?”

 

She must have had the worst luck in the world because she looked up the exact moment Grimmjow whipped the towel off and turned around to face her. “What do you mean? You're Nel. I've known you for a long fucking time. It's not like you're gonna date me. I'm like a brother to you, right?”

 

Her face colored and she quickly looked down at her lap again with wide eyes. She couldn't believe what she saw. Grimmjow had a lean body. He was part of some afternoon sports club. She knew he participated with some other students in weightlifting.

 

Nel could see him slide on shorts out of the corner of her eye. Once he was decent, he sat down on the floor, handed her the second controller to the game console, and then moved so that his back was against the metal bed frame of his bed. He scooted until she had either leg on either side of his body. She could see his newly colored locks of hair and his bare back. “C'mon, let's play. I'll kick your ass, you can cry later.”

 

Nel ended up winning the game that day.

 

She ran home to her house later that day and asked her mom if she could dye her hair. The woman was apprehensive but agreed to it because Don had said something. She took Grimmjow with her to buy the dye. He suggested a purple or pink. Nel had wrinkled her nose at that suggestion and bought the colors she liked with her saved up allowance.

 

Lime green, electric blue, and teal hair dyes were mixed together. Grimmjow helped her with the mass of hair that hung down her back. He brushed and combed and got the green-blue dye all over the place but when he was done, Nel had pale teal hair.

 

“You've got dye under your eye,” she said. She laughed as Grimmjow wiped at his face, only to succeed at smearing dye on the other side of his face.

 

Her blue-haired friend grumbled and went into the bathroom only to start bitching because the color stained the skin. “We start school next week! This better be gone by then Nelliel or I'm gonna get your ass!”

 

Nnoitra hadn't been around a lot that summer; neither was Ulquiorra. She only saw both boys a couple of times. It had been one of the best summer breaks of her childhood. Grimmjow was right though; at times, she did think of him as a brother. There would be other times she'd dream of dating him.

 

She was just being a silly girl.

 

Nel's mom hadn't been too happy about the color choice but Don told her that Nel would have to make her own mistakes to learn anything. The school had flipped out about Nel and Grimmjow's hair. They were scolded about their rebellious nature. Most kids showed up throughout the term with different hair colors.

 

They had started a movement.

 

Their ninth-year came quickly. Nnoitra was still an ass but he came to school sporadically. Grimmjow started getting into trouble more. Nel spent most of the time with the silent Ulquiorra who would just sigh heavily. The days those two weren't around, Nel would abandon the green-eyed boy to hang out with Rangiku and her friend Rukia.

  
  
Ulquiorra usually followed her though.

 

It was winter break that year that started to teach her things about life. Nel, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, and Nnoitra were walking as a group after school. It was snowing and she wasn't paying attention and was walking backward to talk to Grimmjow and trade insults with him.

 

She had slipped or tripped, her foot catching on something. She landed on the icy sidewalk. The trio of boys had just stared at her. Nel didn't understand why until she looked at Nnoitra's face. He had a big smirk on his face and he was looking at her. No, he wasn't looking _at_ her; his gaze was lower than that. Her legs were spread open. No wonder the creepy boy was leering at her! Nel's legs snapped shut and she got up, running away from the boys.

 

Once she got to her own home, she cried. Don had told her to chin up, guys were jerks. Don may not have been her biological father but he was her dad. He took care of her and her mom. He sacrificed a lot for them. Don bought her next round of hair dye. She gave him a small smile and a hug.

 

She avoided the trio of males like the plague during that break except for the day after Christmas. Nel was over at Grimmjow's house to give him a gift. A stupid black t-shirt that had a jaguar or a panther screen printed on it. She also had a gift for Ulquiorra but it was a simple pencil set.

  
  
Nnoitra was once again sitting on the floor playing video games with Ulquiorra, had scowled when she handed them the gifts. “Where's mine?”

 

Nel looked down at him to see he had a wounded expression on his face. “I'd get you something if you weren't such an ass to me,” she replied.

 

“I've hardly seen you this year!”

 

“Well stay out of trouble.”

 

“God, you're a bitch!”

 

She almost kicked Nnoitra in the face for that comment. Grimmjow pulled her away from them. He dragged her out into the kitchen.

 

“What is his problem with me?” Nel asked as she scowled. “Ever since I met him he's been nothing but rude to me.”

 

Grimmjow didn't say anything as he searched the cupboards. He pulled a box of microwave popcorn from a shelf and then threw a packet to Nel who caught it then frowned. “There's only one thing in here. I'm gonna have to go down to the convenience store.”

 

“Well?”

 

“What?” he replied.

 

“What is his problem?”

 

“Hell, I don't know Nel! I'm not him, I can't tell you what his problem is. Who the fuck knows with Nnoitra. I'm more worried about trying to get through a movie without popcorn for Ulquiorra. There's a reason why we call him popcorn monster,” Grimmjow said.

 

“Ugh!” She crossed her arms over her chest. Nel hated when Grimmjow ignored problematic things around him. Nnoitra had been a problem since day one.

 

Grimmjow sighed, “Look, it's not my business to get between whatever is going on between you two. I know he pisses you off.”

 

“But you won't do anything about it?”

 

“He's been my friend longer than you have. If I had to pick between you and him, I'd pick him, Nel,” Grimmjow said, putting the empty box on the counter. “That's the long and the short of it. Sorry.”

 

Her face burned hotly and she was trying to blink the tears away. If Grimmjow was anything, he was straight and to the point without a filter. His words had been a brutal eye-opening moment. Nel moved towards his bedroom where her coat was but he caught her arm.

 

“Where you going?” he asked.

 

“I'm going home.”

 

“Nel.” The way he said her name made her look up at Grimmjow. She was trying to look like she wasn't hurt by his words but it was difficult. “I'm not telling you I don't want to be friends. I'm trying to tell you this is something you need to take up with Nnoitra. I'm gonna take Ulquiorra and go get popcorn. Talk it out with him.”

 

Nel didn't think this was a great idea and she had been right. As soon as the two other boys left, Nnoitra had her pinned against Grimmjow's bedroom door. Her face and chest were pressed painfully against the wood.

 

“Stop! Nnoitra!”

 

“Awww, what's wrong Nelliel?”

 

“You're hurting me, asshole.”

 

The taller boy with the long dark hair, the small eyes, and the too wide smile laughed. “I can hurt you more. I've been wanting to do this to you forever.”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Why did you wear a skirt today? Something tells me you want to show off what you have,” Nnoitra sneered.

 

“Let me go!”

 

“Why Nel? You want me to go get an audience? You're so eager to flash your pretty, pretty panties in front of everyone else,” he hissed in her ear.

 

She shrank away from his touch as he clawed at her chest. Nel's eyes welled up with tears. “Stop. I fell down that's the only reason anyone saw them. Why are you doing this?”

 

“I'm doing this because I hate you.”

 

Nel's eyes went wide as she heard rustling behind her and then a zipper. “Nnoitra. Nnoitra, why don't you just ignore me if you hate me. Why are you—”

 

His hands were under her skirt and he kicked her legs apart slightly. Nel felt something pressing against her butt. Her thoughts raced through her head. There was no way he was going to do this. There was no way he was going to force himself on her. There was no way he was going to do this inside of Grimmjow's house. But he was. He was grinding his pelvis into her backside.

 

Nel vowed to make sure she wore jeans or pants everywhere from now on. All of her skirts would be thrown out. She tried not to cry. She couldn't cry in front of him. She had to swallow the fear that was building inside her.

 

“I fucking hate you so much, Nelliel. I can't fucking stand you. How you act all high and mighty; as if you stand above me,” he whispered in her ear. He continued to move against her, faster and faster. She could feel his breath on her neck. “You're nothing.”

 

And then it was over. His hands painfully clutched her chest and his movements stopped. She could feel him shudder against her. Nel was grateful to the higher powers that Nnoitra just decided to rub himself against her underwear covered ass instead of taking her without consent. When he released her and turned away from her, she could hear the sounds of his zipper and the belt. Nel started shaking. She turned her head just enough to watch him sit back down on the floor, lean against the bed and pick up the video game controller. His face was one of disinterest as he stared straight face at the television screen.

 

Was he not impacted by what he just did to her? Did he not care? The front door slammed and she saw his hand come up and he placed a finger against his lips. He was telling her to be quiet. Nel's body shook harder as she heard the sound of boots thud on the floor. She had to get out of there. She turned around and picked up her coat. A smirk spread on his face as he killed pixels on the screen. He was enjoying this; he enjoyed seeing her start to come apart and unravel.

 

As soon as the door opened, Nel darted out of the room. She slammed into Grimmjow and bounced off of him into Ulquiorra. She was now in the hall; her feet pounded against the wood as she ran out of the house. She didn't slow down as she heard Grimmjow's voice behind her telling her to stop.

 

No one was at her house when she got home. She stripped off the offensive skirt and the underwear. The rest of her clothes followed. Nel made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, she had to get him off of her skin. She didn't care that the water was ice cold. She stepped under the spray and scrubbed her body, still shivering but it wasn't because of the temperature.

 

When she was done, she made her way back to her room, putting on the baggiest clothes she owned. Nelliel then proceeded to tear apart her room. Anything that was provocative, short, or revealed the fact that she had a body went into a pile in the middle of the room. She wanted to throw her school uniform into that pile. She couldn't though. Girls had to wear skirts.

 

When she was done with stripping her room of the stupid clothing, she bagged everything up and took the bag to the trash. Nel knew her parents would ask questions but at that moment she didn't care. She returned to her room again and crawled under the blanket on her bed. She listened to the sounds of the house. She listened as her parents came home.

 

Her eyes welled with tears. She wanted to disappear. She had to live with this now. She had to live with what Nnoitra did to her. Nel didn't leave the house much after that day.

 

When they returned to school the next term, Nel could see his smirk and leer every time she had to look at him. Grimmjow cornered her one day and asked what was going on with her. She didn't answer. There was no way she could answer him. What was she going to say?

 

“Nel? You've got to talk to me. There's something wrong with you,” the blue-haired kid said to her.

 

She shook her head. There was no way she was going to speak of what happened and why she didn't like being around Nnoitra. Ulquiorra interrupted them and Nel could have hugged the boy as she slipped away from them. Grimmjow had told her what would happen if she told him to chose between his friends. She didn't want to lose his friendship.

 

Surprisingly after that day, Nnoitra was a lot nicer to her. Whenever he spoke to her, he sounded almost apologetic.

 

The tenth-year came which meant they were in high school now. It was supposed to be a fun time as they prepared to become adults. Her mom was pressuring her to start thinking seriously about her grades and to study; even attend cram school. Nel knew her mom wanted her to go to a university so that she could be successful.

 

Nel wasn't feeling the whole academic learning thing. Grimmjow was in a different classroom with Ulquiorra, while she was stuck sitting behind Nnoitra. He managed to invade her space numerous times a day. The teal-haired girl wondered if she could get away with stabbing the boy in the head with her pencil.

 

The blue-haired boy was making a whole new set of friends and she felt threatened as a really tall and really big teenage boy named Yammy and a small petite girl named Loly were allowed into their circle. They brought along a kid named Starrk who had knocked up his girlfriend and planned to marry her. He didn't show up to school most days, often citing he had slept in.

 

Nel could see why her mom wanted her to do well in life. Her mother saw who her friends were. The older woman didn't want Nel to become a delinquent.

 

Besides dealing with the new people and a shitload of homework, Nel had to deal with Nnoitra's veiled looks. He'd sit and stare at her before school. She would try to ignore his eyes but eventually would give into the pull of the gaze.

 

There was one instance they were the only ones in the classroom and Nel had enough of his games. She looked up at him with a glare on her face. “What?” she asked through gritted teeth. “What is it you want,  Nnoitra?”

 

He shook his head. “It's not a crime to stare at people,” he replied.

 

After school that day, she stayed after but didn't go to any of the clubs. Instead, she went to the roof and looked out over the campus, watching people participating in various activities. She wasn't expecting to be followed. When she heard the metal door open and squeal shut, she turned around to see who was bothering her silence and solitude. He stood there, towering over her. Nnoitra was the only person who made her feel small. She turned from him.

 

“What?” she asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Come to attack me again?”

 

“That was a mistake. I won't apologize for it doing it though,” his rough voice said. She heard his shoes as they stepped across the roof. “You piss me off. I fucking hate you. I want to fucking destroy you, Nelliel.”

 

She wasn't going to give into his taunts. Nel kept looking forward at the scene through the fencing.

 

“I want to rip you apart and I have no clue why I want to.”

 

Hearing his words, Nel felt cracks going through her heart. She had done nothing wrong to Nnoitra. She only tried to be kind to him. “If you hate me so much, then why don't you ignore me? Why even bother with me?”

 

She stiffened as she heard him move closer. She spent months studying Nnoitra after the incident that happened at Grimmjow's house. If she turned around and looked at him, she knew he'd be standing there in his uniform pants and untucked shirt with several buttons undone. He wouldn't even wear the uniform tie. He was an immensely angry person. He provoked people into fighting him. He relished violence with excitement. He had a passion for hurting people. Nel was very shocked at his response to her questions.

 

“Because you're always there. You're always around. How can I ignore something I want?”

 

She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. She was correct about how he looked except his hands were in his pockets. “What did you say?”

 

“You heard me,” there was anger in his voice when he spoke.

 

Nel faced the boy and started walking past him. She was done here. She didn't want to be having a heart to heart with Nnoitra of all people. It was the wrong response to have though. He caught her arm as she moved by him. Her body was now between him and the stairwell outside wall. His other hand went to around her neck, the long fingers wrapped almost around her throat.

 

“I will destroy you, Nel,” he said to her in a deadly quiet voice. She was almost afraid when she looked into his eyes. Almost. “It won't be today but it will be soon. It will be very different than the first time because I'm going to make you want it.”

 

Nel couldn't understand him. He made no sense. How was he could he say he hated her and wanted to destroy her then contradict himself and state that he wanted her? Whatever Nnoitra did to her she would never want it. “You're a monster. You're not even a human. You're an animal,” she told him.

 

If the squeal of the rooftop door hadn't sounded, they would have been seen very close together. They would have been caught with Nnoitra's hand around her throat, the other one on her wrist. When the shrill sound hit their ears, he let her go and took a huge step away from Nel. He was still looking at her though.

 

Grimmjow appeared from behind the door, along with Ulquiorra. “You dumbass! You know we could see you from the fi—Nel? What the hell are you doing up here?”

 

She didn't speak. Nnoitra didn't speak and his eyes didn't leave her face. Nel saw Grimmjow's eyes narrow. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment. Nnoitra quickly left the rooftop and Nel let out a sigh of relief. The tension was almost unbearable and she collapsed onto the roof. Grimmjow went after Nnoitra. Nel was surprised to see Ulquiorra, offer a pale hand to her. When she didn't take it, he just hauled her to her feet with a passive face. She thanked him. As usual, he was about as responsive as a statue.

 

She spent rest of the year trying to avoid Nnoitra. She failed at this. They still got into their little fights but Nel didn't have the heart for them anymore.

 

The break between the tenth and eleventh year came and Grimmjow wanted to go to the beach. Nel didn't feel like it but she joined in. Her mom bought her a bikini which the girl did not like. She felt uncomfortable in it. She sat on the sand in her swimsuit and a t-shirt while her friends played in the water. Nnoitra was sitting on a towel near her. She could feel his eyes on her.

 

“Why aren't you in the water, Nelliel?”

 

“Get the hell away from me,” she mumbled. Nel turned her head away from the boy's beady gaze. She was beginning to hate Nnoitra. “Why aren't you out there?”

 

“Don't know how to swim,” he replied.

 

She opened her mouth to return a smart ass remark but closed her mouth as she heard his answer. If he didn't know how to swim that meant she could enjoy the time here in peace. With a smile, she peeled off the t-shirt and then ran for the waves. Nel was having fun splashing Grimmjow with water and swimming away from him until she felt something touch her chest. She looked at the group of her friends.

 

Yammy was throwing Loly into the water. Ulquiorra was floating on his back. Grimmjow was diving into the water, probably to scare the hell out of the green-eyed boy. Nnoitra wasn't on the beach.

 

She turned in a circle in the water and she felt the touch on her ass. What the hell was that? Was it a fish? Was it a snake? Nel began to panic as she swam towards Grimmjow. Something had grabbed her ankle. She spluttered as she was pulled under. She fought her way to the surface, only to find herself face to face with Nnoitra, who had his arm wrapped around her.

 

“I lied.”

 

“What?” she asked, using her hands to wipe water and hair out of her face. She put her hands on his shoulders and tried to push away from him.

 

“I lied. I know how to swim. I know how to swim pretty well.”

 

Her bottom lip trembled. He had tricked her. Nel pushed on his chest this time but his grip was iron strong. He didn't budge. “Nnoitra, please, just stop this. Okay, I get it. You hate me. I'll leave you guys alone. I'll find my own friends,” she said. She shuddered as a strange feeling jolted through her body.

 

It started in between her legs and the sensation ran up her torso. What in the hell was wrong with her? Nnoitra seemed to sense her discomfort and he smiled. “What's wrong, Nelliel?”

 

“What are you doing?” She felt his hand in between her legs. She swallowed as his fingers traced designs on the front of the bikini bottoms. Her face turned crimson. “Nnoitra.”

 

“Hmmm? Something wrong?”

 

She had to wonder if she could kick or knee him hard enough to get him to let her go. “I'll scream,” she said.

  
  
“Why do you want to ruin my fun?”

 

“This isn't fun to me!” she spat. Nel now felt his fingers pressing against her swimsuit. Another shock ran through her.

 

“Remember what I said?” he whispered in her ear.

 

“Go fuck yourself,” she replied.

 

“Tell me to stop then.”

 

“I did. Why would I bother wasting my breath to say it again, when you didn't listen to it the first time I said it?”

 

Nel felt his hand move and she brought her leg back to kick him but it was hard to gain speed in the water. He must have anticipated what she was going to do because he caught her leg and suddenly Nnoitra was in between her legs. He was pressing against her.

 

“ _GRIMM_ —” she started to scream but the tall and scrawny asshole pushed her under the water.

 

Someone was dragging her up and she struggled and kicked against the person. When she reached the surface, she saw blue hair. Grimmjow had a hold of her and he looked pissed off.

 

“Thank—”

 

“You've got a nasty right hook, Nel,” Grimmjow said, holding the side of his face. “Ulquiorra, get her up to the beach since she doesn't know how to swim.”

 

“But I—”

 

“Just go Nel,” he demanded.

 

When she got to the shallow part of the water, she wrenched her arm out of the other boy's hand. She stomped up to where her belongings were and grabbed her stuff. She put on the t-shirt although she was still wet. She put on her jeans and her shoes. Nel stuffed her towel and other things into her bag and then took off walking.

 

She didn't need a ride in Yammy's car. She didn't want to be wedged in between Nnoitra and Ulquiorra. She could find a train station in the nearby town and take it back to Nikko. Nel didn't get far when she heard footsteps behind her.

 

“Where the hell are you going, Nel?” It was Grimmjow.

 

“I'm leaving,” she said. Nel was angry and she didn't want to talk to anyone because she was mad enough to have Grimmjow make a decision. It was either her or Nnoitra.

 

“What the hell are you mad about? Nnoitra was trying to help you.”

 

She stopped and turned around, glaring at the blue-haired teen. “No, he wasn't Grimmjow. Your _friend_ was touching me without my permission and this is the third time he's done it. I don't want to be anywhere near him.”

 

“Are you serious?” Grimmjow asked. “Why didn't you say something about this sooner? When?”

 

Nel scoffed. “When I came over the day after Christmas in ninth year. The day you had to fucking leave me with him to get popcorn!”

 

“He said you were upset because you told him you wanted him as a boyfriend and he turned you down,” Grimmjow said. “He said you lured him up to the roof that one day.”

 

“Ha! Why would I do that when I told you I didn't like him?” Nel asked. She was pissed off now. “What was his excuse for what just happened?”

 

“Nel, you're acting like a crazy bitch. It's all in your head. Nnoitra likes you, you're just misinterpreting things!”

 

With that Nel started walking again. She didn't get home until midnight. Her mom had been frantic and the teen explained she had to basically walk to the nearest town and find a train that would take her to Nikko. Don scolded her for being irresponsible and not calling them.

 

She ignored everyone until the start of the new school term. Nel felt so exposed in her new uniform with its tailored jacket when she walked into the classroom. She saw Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, and Nnoitra. They were all in the same class again. None of the females she had befriended were in her class though.

 

She looked throughout the room only to find herself sitting in front of Nnoitra and behind Ulquiorra. At least Grimmjow was sitting in the desk beside her. The two of them pretty much ignored her. Nnoitra didn't. He would pass her notes during lessons or bother her during lunch. It was like he purposely went out of his way to annoy her. On one Friday, after school, she had enough of his stupid antics and she followed him home.

 

“I can hear you trampling behind me. If you're trying to be stealthy, you're going about it the wrong way,” he said, stopping in front of the shabby looking apartment building. It looked like it could collapse at any minute. He lived in worse conditions than Grimmjow.

 

Nel glared at his back. “I hate you,” she said. “I don't see why you would waste your time making my life miserable if you despise me so much.”

 

He turned around and she saw his expression was serious. “Do you want to come up?”

 

“What?”

 

“I'm inviting you inside my house, Nelliel,” Nnoitra said.

 

“Why?”

 

“I'm trying to be polite, stupid.”

 

“Tch. You've never been polite or nice to me. In fact, the first fucking thing you've said to me was my name was stupid!” Nel said in a loud voice.

 

Nnoitra sighed as if bored with the conversation. He walked a couple steps towards her and grabbed her arm. “Look, you're making a scene. Either come inside with me or go away.”

 

For some reason, Nel allowed herself to be pulled into the apartment building. She was quiet as Nnoitra guided her through the almost dilapidated building to the fifth floor. He used a key to open the locks and then walked in. She was almost afraid to follow him inside the place.

 

“Come in or I'm gonna shut the door,” he sneered.

 

Her aqua-haired head popped around the door frame. His apartment was clean. “Where's your dad?”

 

She watched him scowl and he gave her an unimpressed look. “He kicked me out at the end of the ninth year. Are you gonna get in here?”

 

Nel quickly walked into the apartment and she closed the door. “You've been living alone?”

 

“No, Grimmjow stays when his mom has her drunk boyfriends over. He's thinking about leaving her house and moving over here permanently. He just needs to find a job.”

 

“How do you pay your bills?” She asked as he stripped off the uniform jacket followed by the tie. His long fingers unbuttoned the white dress shirt which to her relief, he had on a t-shirt on underneath it. Nel saw him lay the shirt over a rickety chair.

 

“I have a job, Nelliel.”

 

“Stop calling me that. Why would you say my name is stupid and then call me by it all the time?”

 

He chuckled. “I said your name was too long and stupid.”

 

Nel swallowed because he was walking towards her. She shrank away from him until her back hit the wall. When he reached out, she flinched but all he did was push a lock of her hair away from her face. He was being gentle with her. It was unsettling. Her breathing became erratic as he stroked her face and neck.

 

“Remember what I told you on the roof, Nel?”

 

She nodded and refrained from whimpering. That conversation would stay with her forever. Nel's hazel eyes looked up at his face. With Nnoitra being so tall, she felt almost as if she had to lean back to look at him fully.

 

“You still piss me off. You cannot believe how much you piss me off,” he said to her. “I still want to destroy you but in a different way.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Dunno. You're always around. You are always there. I've never had a class without you in it. Since you got here, not a year went by without you there. How could I ignore something I've wanted for years?”

 

Nel squealed as Nnoitra scooped her up, wrapped her legs around his waist. Her bag fell from her hand and landed on the floor. Her back was still against the wall but now she could see his face because she was at his eye level. “I've had girls. None of them were you. None of them look at me the way you do. Sometimes you have this anger in your eyes and I love it. Other times, like when Grimmjow's around, you act like you're weak. That's when you piss me off the most. You're not weak. I want you to fight against me, Nel. I want you to struggle. I'm gonna rip you apart,” he said to her.

 

Nel didn't understand a word he was saying to her. It didn't make sense. What the hell was he talking about? Suddenly, they were moving and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her legs instinctively gripped him tighter. Nnoitra sat down on the dirty looking couch and he adjusted her legs so that his thighs were in between hers.

 

“I think I should go,” she murmured.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because. I don't even like you,” Nel answered. Her face was on fire. She was embarrassed that Nnoitra was treating her like this when he never had in the past.

 

His hands gripped her hips and she let out a whimper. “C'mon, Nelliel. Fight this. Fight me. Struggle.” The words he said were spoken with a rough voice that seemed unrefined like rough wool scratching against her skin. His voice abraded her.

 

Nnoitra smiled as he pushed his hips against her. Nel shook her head. “Fight, dammit!”

 

“No!” she stated, her voice showed her distress. “You enjoy it too much.”

 

“So you want me to just take you?” He practically purred into her ear. His hands moved around to the front of her body and she felt them as they slipped under her skirt. The fingers were pulling her panties to the side.

 

Nel squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe, if she let him do this, he'd leave her alone and she wouldn't have to suffer him any longer. She could be free of him if he did this. He wouldn't need her after this. She was almost certain if she gave in to his advances, he would stop.

 

He wasn't gentle. Two of his fingers were shoved into her violently and she cried out. Tears ran down her cheeks. He had laughed at her and then did it again.  “It's only gonna get worse, if you don't fight me, Nelliel.”

 

The only thing that stopped him from going through the full act, was the fact that Grimmjow walked into the small apartment and saw them. She remembered seeing his face over Nnoitra's shoulder. He looked absolutely shocked, seeing her there lying under him. Nel's eyes pleaded with him to do something; to stop what was happening. His blue eyes were conflicted as they stared at her.

 

She could have gone through with it had Grimmjow not walked in. Had no one seen them, she could have allowed it to happen. Nel could have lived with it. She would not accept what Nnoitra wanted to do to her with an audience.

 

“Stop, Nnoitra!” she finally cried out, as he was positioning himself above her. The black haired teen didn't even notice his friend was in the apartment.

 

  
“Like hell, I will, bitch! You want me to stop? Fight me!” Nniotra hissed at her, before slapping her face.

 

All of a sudden, there was nothing above her; Nnoitra had been thrown off of her. Grimmjow had helped her! She scrambled from the couch and watched as the blue-haired teen landed punch after punch on the other male. Nel moved to where her bag was and she cowered in the corner, sobbing. Eventually, Grimmjow came over to her. His knuckles were bloody. He helped her to her feet. She knew she was a mess. The boy lifted her leg and Nel started shaking. He took something off her leg and foot then handed them to her. He then bent down to retrieve her bag.

 

Nel stared down at what was in her hand. The underwear she had been wearing. They were spotted with blood now. Tears welled in her eyes again, he took the piece of clothing from her and stuffed it into the bag. Grimmjow grabbed her uniform jacket and dragged her out of the apartment and soon, she was trying to keep up with his long strides.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“My house. You can't go home looking like that,” Grimmjow replied. He sounded angry. Nel didn't say anything else until they entered his house. He shoved her along the hall until she was in his small bedroom. “What the hell were you doing, Nel?”

 

Her voice shook as she answered him. “I-I-I don't know. I just—I was trying to stop him from harassing me. I thought if I gave him what he wanted he'd stop. He'd go away. He'd leave me alone.”

 

She heard Grimmjow sigh. Nel looked up at him, her bottom lip trembling. She felt like she had disappointed her friend. “I'm sorry! I'm just so tired of it. You don't know what it is like and the last time I tried to talk to you about this, you took his side!”

 

“Go get cleaned up and I'll walk you home,” Grimmjow growled. Nel nodded and did as he said to do. Nnoitra didn't come to school for the rest of that term.

 

One year later, Nel was working when she saw the guy again. She was an apprentice in Don's tattoo shop. To cope and deal with everything that Nnoitra did to her, Nel asked him for a tattoo. Her mother had been dead set against it. Don drew up a design and said that if Nel worked as an apprentice, he would talk her mother into the idea. The teenager agreed to the position but grumbled about it. Her mother said it was a fair trade-off if she wasn't going to go to cram school or study sessions. She found that she liked tattooing. She liked the concentration she had to apply and the calm that overtook her senses.

 

Her step-father was allowing her to do small pieces with a modern machine. He had taught her everything there was to know about modern tattooing. Don told her to avoid Tebori, not because of the time, skill, and dedication it took to produce the beautiful tattoos but of the taboo, stigmas, and connections it seemed to foster. Nel nodded.

 

It was close to closing time; the bell above the door tinkled announcing Grimmjow's entrance into the shop. A year had done a lot of good to Grimmjow. He had started training at Kenpachi's and had filled out. Instead of being a beanpole, he was looking more and more like a man. Nel had seen him without a shirt and his body was rippled with muscle.

 

Ulquiorra followed him. The dark-haired teen wasn't very tall or bulky. Nel stood over him by three inches but she knew he was strong. He worked out with Grimmjow whenever the other teen brought him along, which from his complaints, was often.

 

“Grimm! Ulquiorra,” Nel said with a smile as she sat on a chair, behind the front counter. Back in those days, Don had to do everything by hand and she was usually the one stuck filing paperwork and dealing with customers. She also had to clean, which Nel hated to do. "Welcome!"

 

“Nel,” Ulquiorra replied in a short tone.

 

The teal-haired girl raised an eyebrow at Grimmjow who shook his head. The green-eyed boy had been especially moody lately. He would actually get into arguments with her. He'd make snide comments about her that she responded too. She couldn't help it. No one else picked fights with her anymore.

 

“Are you almost done?” Grimmjow asked.

 

Nel looked at the clock hanging on the wall. “I've got about twenty more minutes. You guys are early. I thought we were going to meet at my house?”

 

She watched her friend's face. Grimmjow looked very uncomfortable with something. She almost wanted to say he looked angry. Nel was about to ask him what was wrong when the bell tinkled again. Her head turned and she was about to greet the person who came in when she saw him. He was taller. His hair was longer. He was skinnier. His face was absolutely calm as he stared at her. Nel had to swallow the lump in her throat.

 

 _Nnoitra Gilga_. He didn't say anything though. He stood there with his hands in his pockets.

 

Nel had to force herself to turn her attention back to Grimmjow. “What do you guys need?”

 

His voice made her flinch. She remembered the last time she heard it. He was telling her to fight against him. That day replayed in her head. His voice broke through the horror movie playing in her mind.

 

“I want to get a piercing,” Nnoitra stated.

 

She nodded and handed a clipboard with the standard forms that needed to be filled out to Grimmjow. She then went back and informed Pesche that he had a customer. The blond man looked at her and nodded. Nel didn't return to the front. Instead, she went back and sat in Don's office. She crossed her arms and laid them on the desk then she buried her face in them and cried. She sobbed. When she was done, she wiped her face and went back to the desk. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were sitting in chairs waiting.

 

Grimmjow looked at her and frowned. He walked over to her and stood by her. He tried apologizing.

 

Nel shook her head. “I'm not feeling good, so you guys go ahead and see the movie without me.”

 

“It's your birthday, Nel. We have three tickets.”

 

“Take _him_ then. I'm going home.”

 

Grimmjow caught her arm before she turned to escape. She closed her eyes to calm herself then glanced up at him and his stupid blue hair. Nnoitra had been his friend and Grimmjow had allowed that friend to hurt her in so many ways. “Nel,” he quietly said.

 

Again she shook her head. “Leave me alone, Grimm.”

 

School started, Nel worked; she mostly avoided Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Whenever she went to Grimmjow's apartment, _he_ was there with a couple of his own friends who looked like creeps. He stared at her constantly. Nel realized she felt something for him when summer break rolled around. He was friendly and didn't bicker with her. She didn't trust him, however. She noticed things like him glaring as she flirted with Grimmjow and tried to do the same with Ulquiorra. Flirting with Ulquiorra was pretty much the same as trying to get a monk to get drunk.

 

It was not happening.

 

Occasionally, Nnoitra would come into the tattoo shop and give her a flower or he would stay and talk for a few minutes. It really confused her to no end. Nel wanted to ask Grimmjow about it but whenever she tried to question him about the other male's motives, she'd get scared. Grimmjow had warned her years ago to be careful around him.

 

The night that Nnoitra walked her home from a small party at Grimmjow's place was the beginning of the end for her. It was the first night of summer break. Soon, their final term of school would begin then there would be entrance exams and university. Life would begin.

 

The teenagers were almost to Nel's house when Nnoitra, pulled her into a darkened alley. He easily lifted her onto someone's garden wall. She wanted to scream but Grimmjow had told her that Nnoitra wasn't the same person. He had changed. He was still taller than her as she sat on top of the bricks. He kissed her and wrapped his arms around her body. Nel's breath caught in her throat. Thoughts raced through her brain. This didn't make sense. Why was he doing this? What did he want now?

 

When he pulled away from her, he was breathless. “I've been wanting to do that for ages,” he said with a low chuckle.

 

“Why?”

 

Another dark and low chuckle came from his mouth. “You're gonna start that again? Nelliel, think. I told you I hated you because I liked you.”

 

Those words drew a sharp gasp from her. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Think Nel. Think back. I just wanted you for myself but there was always Grimmjow. You always looked at him then Ulquiorra then me. I was jealous because you held those two in higher regard than me. I wanted you to hate me.”

 

Nel looked into the boy—no, he wasn't a boy anymore. He was becoming a man. She could see the hard line of his jaw. She timidly reached out a hand and traced the angle. He shivered and kissed her again. He had a change of heart. He was showing her that he could be human.

 

The end had begun with that kiss. If Nel knew how the next couple of years would go, she would have rewound time to her third-year of school and told the trio of boys to go to hell.

 

It went on this way for several weeks. They would steal moments together whenever Nel had free time. She felt like they had to sneak around because she knew Grimmjow wouldn't approve. A couple of nights before the school term was due to start, Nel had Nnoitra in her bedroom. They were laying on her bed, under the blanket; fooling around.

 

He had her pinned to the bed as he tried to kiss her. She kept turning her head from side to side. She knew Nnoitra was getting impatient and frustrated but she thought this was funny. She liked to tease him. She liked the way he would become flustered.

 

“Fuck, Nel,” Nnoitra grunted. He let her go and sat up. “I'm getting really pissed off.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Hmmm, I wonder.”

 

Nel sighed. “Nnoitra, come on. I'm just teasing you. You can't handle teasing?”

 

“I can handle it, but you've been teasing me for years. Dammit,” he growled before getting off the bed. Nel watched as he grabbed his t-shirt and jeans. He was going to leave.

 

Her face fell. “What do you want, Nnoitra?”

 

“Heh, you really want to know what I want?”

 

She nodded and bit her lip. She was still lying on the bed wearing a sports bra and a pair of shorts. She watched him for a minute before turning onto her side, propping up her head with the palm of her hand.

 

“You know what I want. You've known for years what I've wanted. I want to destroy you. I want to rip you apart. I want you, Nelliel,” he said in a defeated tone. He sat down on her desk chair.

 

Nelliel Tu's mouth dropped open. She realized what he was saying to her. He wanted—Oh. _Oh_. He wanted to have sex with her. That's what he had meant when he said that. Her stomach dropped. She had heard of girls losing their virginity because of boredom; that boys had pressured them into it. Nel didn't want to be one of those girls. She wanted to give it to the person she loved. The look on his face was tugging at her heart. He looked so lost and broken. Nnoitra wasn't known for making heartfelt speeches or revealing his emotions. The only thing she had seen in the past was hateful things from him.

 

She was a teenager full of flawed logic. Nothing made sense to her. Why would this be any different?

 

“Okay,” Nel said. She watched his head snap up and his eyes got wide. This alarmed her because he actually had big eyes when he wasn't scowling or leering at people.

 

“What?”

 

“I said okay. Do what you need to do to me,” she replied in a whisper. Nel knew nobody would understand her relationship with this male. No one would understand what it would be like for her. "I want you to."

 

He wasn't gentle but he did take his time. His actions reminded her of that day on that dirty couch. There was no foreplay. He shoved into her roughly. She gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his skin, and cried. The bed rocked with his rhythm. It was slow as if he was trying to enjoy every whimper and sound that left her lips.

 

She felt exhausted afterward. The act had taken a strain on her physically, emotionally and mentally. Nnoitra didn't say much as he got dressed. He didn't even kiss Nel before he left. With a sigh, she got out of her bed and was surprised to see blood on her thighs and the sheets. What had she done? Why had she agreed to this act? Why did it seem like he had massacred her dreams?

 

Nel felt lost over the next week because Nnoitra didn't contact her. Grimmjow noticed her mood had gone downhill. He and Ulquiorra sat with her at lunch under a tree. He hugged her but she pushed him away. “What's going on, Nel?” he asked.

 

“It's nothing,” she answered.

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“Shut up, Ulquiorra.”

 

“I was stating that you're being too obvious for nothing to be wrong.”

 

“If you don't shut up, I'm gonna pound you into the ground!” Nel shouted. The green-eyed teen's face had an angry expression.

 

“Trash.”

 

“Asshole.”

 

“Okay, guys, stop the lover's quarrel,” Grimmjow said throwing balled up pieces of paper at both of them. Ulquiorra dodged the piece of debris while Nel's hit her in the forehead. “He's right. You're different.”

 

“Where's Nnoitra?”

 

“Huh? Why are you asking about that asshole?”

 

Nel sighed and turned her head towards her lap. “Never mind.”

 

“No, no, no. I'm not gonna let this go or never mind. What's going on?” Grimmjow reached out and lifted her chin.

  
  
When she finally looked at Grimmjow, she gasped, gazing slightly at a spot behind him. Nnoitra was standing at the fence and he was looking straight at her. She stood up and stared at the male with long black hair. His hand was gripping the fence and he nodded at her.

 

She walked over to the fence. The dark cloud that covered her heart for the past week lifted. Nel gave him a small smile. “Nnoitra,” she said, once she got close enough.

 

“I want you to come over to my place tonight,” he said in response to her.

 

Her face took on a confused look. “Where have you been? I've been waiting all week—”

 

“I had some work shit to sort out. Unlike you, I have to work. I can't depend on Mommy and Daddy for a place to sleep or pay for shit,” he said, sounding annoyed. “You gonna come over tonight?”

 

Nel blushed at his words and nodded. She reached out and briefly brushed her fingers over the ones that held the fence. She didn't care if her friends were looking. “I'll be over after I get off of work.”

 

“Good,” he replied. “Go back to your lunch. I've got to get to a meeting.”

 

“Nnoitra?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“You're not mad at me, are you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why didn't—” The bell sounded and she sighed. Nel looked at the ground and then said, “Nevermind. It's not important.”

 

She did as he said and turned around to start walking back to her stuff and her friends when Nnoitra called out.

 

“Hey, Nel?” Nnoitra said as she turned around. Nel looked over her shoulder at him. “Don't let him touch you again. You're _mine_.”

 

From that day on, she noticed Grimmjow was in an angry mood all the time.

 

Nel was happy, somewhat. Nnoitra gave her a solid education in the world of sex. He did stuff to her that she hated. He did stuff to her that she loved. He taught her how to please him and herself. He hurt her physically. He would hurt her emotionally. He would abuse her any way he could. It never was said that he raped her. He told her that she wanted it although she was screaming and crying for him to stop. She would use his name as a warning for things she didn't like. Blood would flow from between her legs and it wasn't because of her period.

 

She didn't pass the national exam. She had been too preoccupied with life. Nel became a tattoo artist and worked for her stepfather. She was actually very good at it and built a long client list that kept her paid. She still lived at home with her mom and dad. Nnoitra wanted her to move in with him but she didn't like his crappy apartment. She was stupid enough to tell him that too. It was the first time he beat the shit out of her. She moved in with him though there were objections from her parents and Grimmjow.

  
  
She noticed over that time they were together that Nnoitra would have more outbursts. He loved to fight, whether it be physically or verbally. He began to do drugs and drink. He'd cheat on her. She would leave him only to come back. Nel would have bruises on her from where he hit her. She would have to fight back or he'd make it worse, threatening to break her arms or hands. He made her bruise and bloody him too.

 

He dragged her into this demented world of violence and pain. She thought that was how he loved. He loved her so much that it hurt him. In turn, it made him hurt her. He isolated her from her friends and family. She was so blind to what was going on. Being in love with rose-colored glasses, made the world bloody.

 

She heard the apartment door slam and she would flinch. Nnoitra must be angry, would be all that she would think.

 

The drug and alcohol abuse intensified and one day, he took money from her savings jar and came home with a gun. She could see he was high. He pointed it at her. If he fired it, that would mean her death.

 

At that moment, Nel realized that Nnoitra had never changed. The game he had played had changed. The rules he had made, he altered them at his whim. He told her what was going on. He needed a black market gun because there were some people looking for him.

 

She asked why and he backhanded her.

 

He had fucked over his supplier and another dealer. He had tried to take them down himself but it had backfired. What had he meant by his supplier?

 

“You are a dumb bitch.”

 

He told her that he'd been selling drugs for years for criminals, mostly big gangs out of Tokyo and Utsunomiya. The same people Don had told her to stay away from, her boyfriend was involved with. Several days later, Nel laid her head on her mom's lap and cried. Her heart was breaking and there was nothing she could do about it. Her mother stroked her head in comfort but it didn't have any impact. Nel cried harder.

 

Nnoitra had been gone for three days. When she woke up at noon the fourth day in that drab apartment, on that creaky bed, Nel saw Nnoitra sitting beside her. He apologized. Nel could smell the alcohol and she could see his dilated pupils. He appeared stone cold sober though. She decided to ignore him. She couldn't allow him to drag her down any longer. She had to surface from his despair. She had to get away from him.

 

The price she paid for that action was too much. He dragged her outside and threw her onto the scraggly grass patch in front of the dilapidated building. Punch after punch landed on her. He kicked her. He broke her. He held that gun to her throat, threatening to fill her head with blood.

 

Nel heard the men's voices. She heard the multitude of gunshots. She saw his body land with a soft thump and blood run into the dirt. He was staring at her as she used what little strength she had left to crawl over to his fading body.

 

She whispered his name.

 

She cried it out.

 

She yelled and shouted and screamed for him.

 

She watched him die.

 

She had been there until the end of his life as a half-smirk spread along his mouth.

 

Nel blamed herself for a long time for his death. She felt like she had driven him to this destructive behavior. She couldn't function because of it. She moved into her new apartment. It was by a park. It was a nice place.

 

Sometimes, she missed that crappy building with the creaky bed, the leaky sink, the squeaky floorboards, and the dirty couch. She missed his face. She missed how he would say her name. She missed how his tall body would fit against her.

 

“ _Nelliel, your name is too long and stupid._ ”

 

or 

 

“ _I can't fucking stand you._ ”

 

Gods, Nnoitra, why did you have to die? She would think to herself as the memories would hit her. It was like he was there to punch her again. The air would leave her lungs.

 

Nel began to get tattoos.

 

She had to do something to help with this pain. Don wasn't happy with her decision but the first tattoo she got was the number three on her back. It was the year she first met him. Nnoitra had impacted her life that first day of her third year in elementary school. The next tattoo was a spoon; he reminded her of the utensil. Her stepfather told her that this wasn't a healthy way to cope with trauma.

 

He'd lay behind her. He was always the one who spooned her. She never got to cuddle up to him. Eventually, her entire back was covered with various things; items that represented her past. From above the coccyx of her spine to the nape of her neck, she was covered with tattoos.

 

Grimmjow would visit her. He'd bring her coffee and take her to the park for lunch. They'd sit on a blanket and she would just stare at things. He tried his best to comfort her. He would sit around, tell her jokes. He built her a bookcase for her growing movie collection. He took her out on dates. She appreciated his friendship. He kept her afloat in the dark water she had been treading. Nel couldn't help feeling grateful for the conversations about nothing over cups of coffee. They meant the world to her. Grimmjow had been her best friend since coming to this place. She wouldn't flinch if he touched her. She didn't shrink back from him when he shouted or yelled. She didn't hide when he got moody.

 

She was the one to first initiate sexual contact. Nel watched as his eyebrows shot up when she undressed for him. She had never experienced an orgasm before. Nel had no fucking clue what the hell happened and after the pleasure subsided, she sobbed against him. He hugged her.

 

Things changed between them. The afternoon talks about nothing became late night phone conversations with them breathing heavily in each other's ear through the devices. He wanted her to spend the night with him. Nel wasn't ready for that.

 

“Nel?” he asked one night as they sat on his couch. They were naked. He was still sheathed inside her. They were just having sex, she thought. This wasn't a hookup. This wasn't a booty call. His movements had been gentle. His kisses delicate. She understood that when he said his next words. They were loud and clear to her, “I love you. I've been in love with you. I wanted to kill Nnoitra that day I saw you on his couch.”

 

That night she decided to put Nnoitra and the destruction he caused her life behind her. She would forget it. She wouldn't let it affect her as much. She had to put the past in the past. Nel knew that she would never go forward if she looked behind her all the time. No matter what the dead man had done to her, she was alive. He couldn't get to her anymore.

 

She was free from him.

 

And truth be told, falling in love was never on Nel's mind. She didn't think her heart or emotional state could handle it again. At least her brain tried to tell her that. She was tempted several times to run from Grimmjow but she knew he would come after her and demand her attention.

 

She smiled and blushed. Grimmjow laughed at her. The smile became broader. It was amazing how much little conversations with him made her smile. He would dance with her in his apartment, twirling her around and holding her close. Eventually, she did spend the night. She woke up the next morning and he was staring at her with those intense blue eyes.

 

“You know,” she said to him as they stared at each other. “Someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be. You've seen how moody I can get. You now know how hard I can be to handle. Are you sure you want to put up with that, Grimm? I'll understand if you say no. I won't be mad.”

 

“I want you in my life, Nel.”

 

Four years ago, that conversation had taken place in Grimmjow's bed on a Saturday morning. They were still together. She loved Grimmjow more than ever. Sometimes, she wanted to strangle him but that was normal.

 

Three years ago, she left Don's business and started her own. He had given her his blessing. He even let her have Pesche. Her stepfather said he was getting old; it was time to downscale. She was successful.

 

Two years ago, she met that redhead, who reminded her so much of herself before she got involved with Nnoitra. She was full of innocence and wonder.

 

  
One year ago, she was reminded of herself so much after Nnoitra's death. She distanced herself from the people that caused her to feel this way. It was her own fault Grimmjow sought out solace in other places. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saliva - Always  
> Seether - Broken  
> Placebo - Broken Promise  
> Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb  
> Hole - Doll Parts  
> Slipknot - Duality  
> Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache  
> Avenged Sevenfold - Fiction  
> In This Moment - Fighter  
> Black Veil Brides - Goodbye Agony  
> Trent Reznor - Hurt (Unplugged)  
> Blackbear - IDFC  
> New Years Day - Kill or Be Killed  
> Marilyn Manson - Man That you Fear  
> Metallica - Nothing Else Matters  
> Anberlin - Paperthin Hymn  
> The Smashing Pumpkins - Stumbleine


	2. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grimmjow's perspective of how his friendship with those other three people went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own Bleach, don't sue. I'm a demented person, who wants to play with fanfiction.
> 
> Grimmjow's backstory. Writing this was harder than I thought and I apologize if it seems redundant in some places.

**Grimmjow**

 

Grimmjow had been hearing the same words from the same people for years. It was always the same.

 

_"Get up you, lazy kid!"_

 

“ _You're still fucking here?”_

 

“ _What the fuck do you want now?”_

 

And lastly, his absolute favorite,

 

“ _I'm gonna beat the shit outta you!”_

 

It wasn't his fault his ma picked assholes. His dad had been an army guy from one of the bases. Grimmjow was a victim of circumstance. He couldn't help it if his dad had been sent to prison for marrying two women. Apparently, that was frowned upon in some cultures.

 

He didn't know.

 

He was just a damn kid.

 

How could he be blamed for anything? He didn't know anything.

 

As a kid, he knew his ma made bad choices. After the Prick got caught and shipped off to America or wherever they put bad guys who did somewhat-morally-questionable-bad-things, she treated Grimmjow like crap whenever she got a new boyfriend. He'd go over to Ulquiorra's or Nnoitra's house.

 

He stopped going over to the latter boy's house after his mother died. His dad was an asshole who liked to yell and beat his friend. Ulquiorra's house was no better. The nannies yelled at that kid all the time.

 

Grimmjow met both of the kids while in primary school. He remembered sharing a cubby with Ulquiorra and having to help the other kid into his coat. Grimmjow hated those coats with the buttons in the back.

 

Nnoitra sat at his table during lessons. He was okay until his mother got sick. She had cancer. Then he just became this ball of anger who would take stuff from kids. He'd make the girls cry by pulling on their hair. He'd push people into puddles. Nnoitra was made to apologize a lot. You could tell he didn't mean all the sorries he had said to people.

 

Grimmjow's home life became hell in the second year. That's when military police had knocked on the door and carted off the man with the blue eyes and brown hair. His ma cried and screamed and made a fuss. The boy had shrugged.

 

He had no idea what was going on.

 

They moved from their nice little house to a hovel across town. The air smelled like a farm and Grimmjow hated it. The damn place only had four rooms and that wasn't including the tiny ass bathroom. He got the smallest room just off the kitchen. The walls were thin; he could hear his ma and her newest toy screaming and making other sounds.

 

He was angry that his ma, so he started lashing out. He and his friends patrolled the schoolyard, picking fights with either older or bigger kids. Nnoitra was pretty tall but he looked like a damn stick. Grimmjow didn't know why he hung out with them. The kid was Japanese but he stuck to the outcasts like glue.

 

Ulquiorra wore a permanent frown and didn't say much. Kids didn't like him because he didn't look like them. He was pretty freaky with the pale skin and green eyes. His dad was still alive and an important guy. The kid didn't see his parents much. He always had a babysitter. He called them nannies.

 

Whatever.

 

Third-year started and on the second day of school, he chased off some girls from a new student. She had long, pale yellow hair. Ulquiorra said it was blonde. She had funny, light colored tan eyes that seemed too wide for her small face.

 

Whatever. She was being bullied and that was one thing Grimmjow didn't like. She looked scared as they stood in front of her. None of them would hurt her.

 

“I'm Grimmjow,” he said, introducing himself.

 

She told them her name and Nnoitra had to open his big mouth. Sometimes the boy was a jerk. She would just have to get used to it.

 

He told the other boy to shut up. “Can we call you, Nel?”

 

Nel became part of their group. They played games. They talked about stupid stuff. They played watched cartoons. They bought mangas. They collected trading cards. They watched movies at Ulquiorra's house. They were normal kids with shitty ass circumstances.

 

It was one day they were on a movie binge that Grimmjow counted seven packets of popcorn discarded around Ulquiorra. Grimmjow looked at the kid with a scowl. “Where did all the popcorn in the bowl go? Where did these other bags come from?”

 

Ulquiorra looked up at Grimmjow with his mouth stuffed like a chipmunk. He chewed the mouthful and then answered. “I ate it. I happen to like popcorn.”

 

“Seven bags?”

 

“It's not salted. It does not have butter on it. It's plain popcorn.”

 

“Whatever, Popcorn Monster. You could have saved some for us.”

 

“I am not a Popcorn Monster!”

 

Nnoitra looked at both of them. “Would you shut up? Both of you are annoying.”

 

Grimmjow's favorite thing to do was mock his male friends. So he mocked Ulquiorra then mocked Nnoitra. They both glared at him. He laughed. He thought it was a great thing! “I should go into comedy.”

 

In their fourth-year, he got to sit beside Nel while Nnoitra sat across the room. Their teacher had been warned that sitting the boys together would cause trouble. It was okay. It gave him a chance to look at his blonde friend.  
  
She was quiet and didn't say much unless Nnoitra goaded her into a fight, which was often. He didn't know what that kid's problem was with the girl. She would get excited about something and then babble on about it. Other than that, Nel was an okay friend, for a girl. She didn't mind getting dirty. She didn't mind fighting. She could hold her own against any of them.

 

The fifth year was horrible. He was in a class all by himself and he only got to see his friends during lunch and at recess. He would often pout because he had to actually pay attention during lessons. Grimmjow had nothing to distract him and he received some of the highest marks ever.

 

His ma didn't care. She was too busy yelling at him for being a burden on her. She wasn't proud of anything he did. He told himself that he missed the ma that would smile when he brought home good grades and baked cookies; not the one that spent the night drinking or coming home in the early hours of the morning. As he got older, he told himself that he didn't miss his ma at all. The woman was just someone he lived with.

 

Grimmjow got his redemption once the sixth-year started. This teacher was dumb because he placed the four of them together in a group. They all got in trouble. Ulquiorra didn't though. You couldn't get in trouble if you tactfully insulted your teacher. It was a great year. It was one of the best school years he had with his friends.

 

Because of how much trouble they got into, Nel had to go to summer studying sessions. She was basically grounded from seeing the boys. It was okay because they didn't do much during the break. Grimmjow got a few jobs helping neighbors and walking dogs. He was saving his money.

 

When Nel walked into the classroom the first day of their seventh year, his mouth went dry. Her hair was the same pale blonde. It was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. Her school uniform fit her body nicely. Grimmjow could see she was stacked with a tiny waist and a shapely ass. Her legs were also killer looking and long.

 

Grimmjow had grown that summer, again. He was barely taller than Nel now. Nnoitra had grinned at her in that creepy way he had and said something to piss her off. She didn't talk to them at all during lessons. He found the girl on the roof at lunchtime. She was reading a book and picking at her lunch.

 

He sat down along with Ulquiorra, who promptly started opening some kind of drink. That kid never changed. Same lunch day after day; peanut butter and marmalade sandwich, an apple, juice box and some kind of vegetable. If he did deviate from his normal lunch, it was because his nanny forgot to pack his lunch. His parents were so spastic sometimes.

 

Nnoitra sat across from Nel and beside him. Grimmjow studied the girl for a moment before speaking to her. “You're different,” he said, looking mainly at her chest. Before she could catch him staring, he looked at her face.

 

“How so?” Why did she look so confused? Did she not see her body?

 

If he admitted to looking at her chest, she would probably smack him. So he shrugged, “I dunno. Besides the obvious—”

 

Nnoitra had to butt his damn nose into the conversation and then he grabbed her. Grimmjow's eyes narrowed and he ended up fighting with the taller boy. They were hauled to the principal's office who scolded them and then sent them home for the entire week. They had to write apology letters.

 

Ulquiorra said that Nel was really sad by his absence. She just sighed the entire lunch period. She didn't talk to him.

  
  
“Well, you're a freak why would she talk to you?” Nnoitra snapped.

 

“I'm not a freak.”

 

The rest of the term went by without any other major events. When summer break hit, Grimmjow saw an American television show where a guy had blue hair. He wanted blue hair. He had enough money to do it but he didn't want to go to a place where women went. So, he had researched what he would need and he bought it. Then he called Nel.

 

He'd been casual on the phone, telling her that he needed his help with something, which he did need help. He thought she knocked on the door but when Grimmjow opened it, he saw Nnoitra. “What the hell do you want? Go away.”

 

The other boy didn't listen and shouldered past him. “I need to lay low here for a couple of days. My dad's on a warpath.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I didn't do the dishes. I didn't clean up his girlfriend's cat's puke. I didn't die when my mom did,” Nnoitra said as he walked into Grimmjow's bedroom. “What haven't I done to the old bastard?”

 

The blue-eyed boy watched as his friend flopped down on his bed. “Why did you want me to go away? You got some girl coming over? Didya get a girlfriend Grimmjow?”

 

“Shut up. Nel's coming over.”

 

Nnoitra's eyes narrowed. Grimmjow watched his face and was surprised to see the other male glaring at him. “You and her?”

 

“You're stupid, you know that?”

 

“You're the one who lov—”

 

“I do not. She's like a bratty kid sister to me!” Grimmjow snarled. He was tempted to throw Nnoitra out of his house but the kid looked disinterested in everything at the moment.

  
  
The next time there was a knock at the door, he let in Nel who wasn't wearing much. Grimmjow had to swallow and prayed the thing in his pants would behave. He told her that the other kid was there and she got bitchy with him. It wasn't his fault that Nnoitra had shown up unexpectedly.

 

Nnoitra was making trouble because he actually called Nel a bitch as he was playing on the video game console that Ulquiorra had given him. Grimmjow knew that Nel and Nnoitra had some bad blood between him. He didn't know how deep it ran, though.

 

She had him bleach his hair. When he washed it all out, his hair was bright fucking yellow. Then his ma had seen it. He was screamed at for hours.

 

It wasn't any better when the next week, he had Nel come over so that she could slick electric blue dye into his hair. He decided to test the waters; to see if Nel was even interested in him. He decided to take a shower instead of just washing the dye out. It had been hot. He'd been outside working all day. He was sweaty.

 

So once he was done, he walked into his bedroom and pretended not to even notice her. She had spazzed out big time. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

“What? What the hell is your problem, lady?” She clearly wasn't interested in him as anything other than friends, that was clear.

 

She started bitching at him. He scoffed, “Don't start. You're just Nel.”

 

He could see she was mad at him and she asked what he meant. He didn't reply right away. He took the towel off and thought she wasn't paying attention. He turned to her as he grabbed a pair of shorts to put on. Nel got an eyeful of him.

 

Grimmjow had to act like he wasn't bothered by the whole thing. It had been his idea to do this and he just had to follow through. So evade and rebuff was going to be his strategy. “What do you mean? You're Nel. I've known you for a long fucking time. It's not like you're gonna date me. I'm like a brother to you, right?”

 

He turned his back to her and let out a little sigh. So she didn't like him like that. It was kind of a relief and it was kind of a bummer. At least things wouldn't be awkward around her now that he knew.

 

He didn't see her blush. He didn't see her studying his body with a veiled glance.

 

He got into his favorite spot right in front of the television, Nel was sitting behind him. He challenged her to his favorite fighting game and got his ass whooped by a girl. He kept challenging her and she kept winning the matches.

 

Grimmjow was surprised as Nel dragged him to the same place where he had bought his blue dye. He thought she'd enjoy pink hair. Most girls her age liked pink or purples. She was adorable as she scowled at him. She picked three different colors

 

When they arrived at her house and all the dye was poured into a bowl and mixed up, it looked like neon teal goop. Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at it. He did as she asked. He untangled her hair, being careful not to catch the knots with the hairbrush. He put on the gloves she gave him and then proceed to comb the color through her blonde hair.

 

It took almost every drop of dye to cover her head. When she got done rinsing it and her hair dried, it was teal. What would people think if they saw them together?

 

“You've got dye under your eye.”

 

“Huh?” He picked up a towel and swiped at his face. Grimmjow didn't know he dragged the towel against the wrong side of his face, only to spread more dye in almost the same spot under the other eye. “Did I get it?”

 

Nel was too busy laughing and he left her bedroom. He had the teal dye under his eyes, all over his arms and t-shirt. It wouldn't come off and he yelled at her. Grimmjow heard her laugh harder. “We start school next week! This better be gone by then Nelliel or I'm gonna get your ass!” He said stomping back into her bedroom. "Dammit Nelliel!"

 

Nnoitra was working or doing something that summer so he wasn't around. Ulquiorra's parents had sent him to a summer camp thing so he wasn't around. He spent most of his summer with Nel. When the boys came back from where they went, all four of them hung out. There were occasions that Nel wasn't around though.

 

Ulquiorra commented on their almost matching hair color. “It's disgustingly cute you two decided to match,” he said in his emotionless, monotone voice.

 

“Shut up! It's not like I planned for it to happen,” Grimmjow said scowling. He could feel his face getting red.

 

Once the school term started, he and Nel were pulled out of class and taken to the principal's office. The lecture they got was a mouthful. They were scolded by different adults. They were made to clean things for distracting people with their rebellion. Many kids over the school year showed up with different hair colors.

  
  
All fingers pointed to Nel and Grimmjow. They stirred something within the students. They had started a movement.

 

When their ninth year started, Nnoitra's dad kicked him out and the tall boy had to get his own place. His apartment was tiny but he paid for it himself. He was still an asshole to everyone, especially Nel, when he bothered to come to school.

  
  
Grimmjow didn't have a dream home life at that point. His ma started coming home drunk more. She lost her job. She'd scream at the boy who would just scoff at the woman. He eventually started doing more work for people who needed it. There was an old man who showed him how to build things.

 

The blue-haired boy had found things he was passionate about that year. Sure, he still liked to fight. He often times went to Kenpachi's dojo and trained. He was learning how to play the drums but that old man... He was the key to Grimmjow not becoming a criminal.

 

The bookcase was a bit crooked but it held things, that's all that mattered. He had made it. The old man paid him and then gave him a bunch of tools to make more things. Barragan died that year. It made Grimmjow melancholy but he kept on building furniture. That's what he enjoyed doing the most.

 

Sometimes, he'd get jobs doing tiny construction jobs at building sites around the city. It was mostly painting walls, staining floors, picking up nails so that the workers didn't get hurt. It gave him money though. He didn't have to rely on anyone to pay for food or what he wanted.

 

Ulquiorra would come over on the days he wasn't at school because he was working to report on various things. Grimmjow didn't ask for him for these but it seemed the green-eyed boy knew he wanted to know how Nel's day was going.

 

“She sighs a lot and sometimes she drags me over to other females. They talk about the most mundane things. They don't even notice me,” Ulquiorra said as they drank orange soda one night. “Well, I take that back. The really short one with the funny colored eyes; she glanced at me the other day when they started talking about their bodies. I ignored them and ate.”

 

“Why the hell are you hanging out with girls?” Grimmjow asked.

 

“You're not there, who am I supposed to talk to during lunch?”

 

“You don't exactly talk to Nel.”

 

The dark-haired boy shrugged. “Spending the lunch period with her is better than sitting alone.”

 

Winter break came around and the jobs decreased so Grimmjow went to school more, surprisingly. One day after school, they all were walking and Nel was being stupid, trying to insult him. She was also walking backward. The sidewalks in that part of town weren't exactly even, so she ended up tripping and fell.

 

Grimmjow took a quick glance at her and then looked away. Ulquiorra sighed and stared at nothing. It was Nnoitra who was slobbering like a dog with a bone. Nel ran away because the taller boy was looking at her underwear. The blue-haired boy knew he should have offered his friend a hand up to escape the eyes of the jerk but he had been embarrassed.

 

Nel came over the day after Christmas and shoved a gift at him and one at Ulquiorra. The other boy had been surprised but delighted with his present. Grimmjow thanked Nel and then gave her a small box. It was a stupid keychain from her favorite manga. She'd been happy and smiling... Until Nnoitra said something.

 

That stupid prick had to ruin things saying snidely to her, “Where's mine?”

 

“I'd get you something if you weren't such an ass to me.”

 

“I've hardly seen you this year!”

 

“Well stay out of trouble.”

 

“God, you're a bitch!”

 

He had to pull her into the tiny kitchen and away from the other males. Then she wanted to know what Nnoitra's problem was. He didn't really want to tell Nel what his problem was. He had heard what Nnoitra was saying about Nel. He wanted to have sex with her. Grimmjow tried not to show that he was jealous when the taller boy said that kind of stuff. It was hard because he'd go into detail about what he'd do to her.

 

Grimmjow had questioned the long-haired jerk how he knew what the hell sex was. He named several girls whose virginity he had taken. He thought about each female. One day they'd been themselves and then the next they had been different. They were quiet and tried to avoid people. Had Nnoitra done that to them?

 

So, he shrugged and searched the cupboard for his box of popcorn he kept there when Ulquiorra came over. He told Nel that she should take it up with the other boy, not him. Then he told her the truth, he'd known Nnoitra longer and he had a duty to him as a friend. As much as he wanted to tell her that if she was his girlfriend then he'd have a duty to her, he didn't.

 

She walked past him and he stopped her. Grimmjow didn't want her to leave. They were supposed to watch a movie together.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I'm going home,” she replied sounding hurt.

 

Was she gonna cry? Grimmjow hated when she cried. He hated seeing it. Nel got really ugly when she cried at times. He took a deep breath. “Nel, I'm not telling you that I don't want to be friends. I'm trying to tell you this is something you need to take up with him. I'm gonna take Ulquiorra and get popcorn. Try to talk to him.”

 

Grimmjow opened the door to his room when they returned and Nel shot out of the room, bumping into him and pushing Ulquiorra down. What the hell happened that she was running out of his house? Nnoitra sat on the floor and looked at the television, still playing the video game. His face said that nothing happened but there was a glint in his eye that Grimmjow couldn't place. There was also that hint of a smile that bothered him.

 

“She wanted me to go out with her, I said no,” he finally said. “I guess it hurt her feelings.”

 

The blue-haired boy said nothing. He didn't exactly buy that story but he wasn't about to call Nnoitra out on it. He didn't see Nel until school started again.

 

Even then, she avoided the trio. He had to corner her before she returned to the classroom after the lunch period. “What's wrong?”

 

Nel said nothing. She just shook her head, teal hair waving with each movement. He went to touch her but she shrank back. Did Nnoitra have something to do with this? Did he do something to Nel?

 

“Nel? You've got to talk to me. There's something wrong with you,” Grimmjow said, his tone slightly pleading.

 

She shook her head again.

 

“Are you two planning on skipping out on the rest of the day?” Ulquiorra said as he walked up to the girl and boy. The blue-haired boy turned and faced his friend. “If not we should get to class.”

 

Grimmjow looked for Nel but she was gone. He was pissed now. So, he confronted Nnoitra about it after school although he had a drum lesson that day. He gave the skinny boy a shove and he fell onto his ass. “The fuck did you do to Nel? Why is she acting like all those other girls?”

 

“What the hell, man?” Nnoitra replied. “I told you what happened. I didn't touch her.”

 

“Sorry, I don't buy it, Nnoitra. I don't fucking buy it. Nel hates your guts, why would she want to date you?” Grimmjow asked in a spiteful voice. “Leave her alone. She doesn't want anything to do with you. You know how I feel about her, don't touch her.”

 

Nnoitra seemed to change after that conversation. He was cordial to Nel. Grimmjow noticed she would bristle every time he interacted with her.

 

He worked during the school break again, saving money. He felt like he was going to need it soon after school was done with. He saw Nel rarely. She avoided her male friends.

 

When school started again for the tenth year, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were placed into one classroom while Nel and Nnoitra were in another. He saw Nel's face before he walked into the room. She looked absolutely scared. Grimmjow wished she would trust him enough to just talk about it.

  
  
Then the transfer students came in. There were three of them. A muscled kid named Yammy, a petite and feisty lolita girl named Loly, and a lazy looking lump named Starrk who almost never came to school because he worked a lot and had a kid on the way. Grimmjow didn't know what to make of them but they gravitated to him and Ulquiorra.

 

Ulquiorra was busy through the year trying to fend off Loly's attention. Somehow he got roped into taking Loly's sister out on a couple of dates. It was funny. The green-eyed kid was awkward about things.

 

One day at lunch, Grimmjow noticed Nel acting really weird. She kept glancing at Nnoitra. After school, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra, and Grimmjow were walking across the sports field when Nnoitra said he forgot something. He assured them he'd catch up.

 

Grimmjow watched him carefully and then spotted the kid on the roof. Nnoitra wasn't hard to miss. He stood almost seven feet tall. The blue-haired kid was only six-foot-two-inches tall. Ulquiorra was the short shit in the group.

 

He grabbed Ulquiorra's uniform jacket and dragged the kid back to the school. “Look, if something is going on, I'm gonna go after him. You need to help whoever is up there.”

 

The guy just nodded once and didn't say anything. At least, he could count on Ulquiorra's loyalty. They were breathless as they rushed onto the roof of the school. Grimmjow made it seem like they were fooling around but that quickly was put to a stop as he saw Nel.

 

“You dumbass! You know we could see you from the fi—Nel? What the hell are you doing up here?”

 

Nnoitra had left and Grimmjow followed. The taller boy was faster with his longer legs. It took the blue-haired kid tackling him to get him to stop. They scuffled.

 

“What did you do to her?” Grimmjow yelled at him.

 

“Nothing! That bitch had me meet her up there!”

 

It was Ulquiorra who told him that Nel seemed to be in shock. Grimmjow looked at his friend. “She thanked me. She actually talked to me,” he said in response to the stare.

 

Nel and Nnoitra seemed to get into more fights. Grimmjow would just sit and watch the two. Sometimes it was annoying. Other times, he'd studied the teal-haired girl and she just seemed wilted. She'd give the long-haired boy half-assed insults. That would break his heart. She had no fire left in here when it came to Nnoitra.

 

Grimmjow frowned a lot for the rest of that term.

 

They all wanted to go to the beach. The only ones that had a car was Yammy and Starrk. Starrk couldn't go because he was either asleep or working. If Yammy went then they had to take Loly. Loly would insist that Ulquiorra go. Ulquiorra would invite Grimmjow. Grimmjow would invite Nel and somehow Nnoitra ended up coming along with them. He offered to sit in the backseat with Nel and Nnoitra but Ulquiorra would not give up his damn seat.

 

The guy didn't like Loly but she was clueless about that.

 

When they arrived at the water and the sandy beach, the teenagers piled out of the car. They found an appropriate spot to lay their stuff out and then they stripped their shirts and shoes off. Every male (except Ulquiorra) whistled as Loly stripped off her clothes to reveal her skimpy bikini.

 

Then they turned to Nel who blushed and sat down on her towel with a t-shirt on. She shimmied out of her jeans and folded them. She wouldn't move. Nnoitra shook out his towel and sat down also. Grimmjow's eyes narrowed but he ran for the water with the rest of the group.

 

From where he was in the water, he could see Nel and Nnoitra having a conversation. Ulquiorra was the one to notice Nel smile as she stood up. She took her t-shirt off and Grimmjow's mouth fell open. The girl—Nel. He swallowed and could feel himself get hard.

 

Then she started flirting with him by splashing. He gave chase being careful not to touch her too much because he didn't want to have to explain why he was arguing with the thing in his swim trunks about her and her body. Then Nel was gone and Grimmjow looked around.

 

Nnoitra caught his eye as the boy dived under the water. He pivoted in the water. “Ulquiorra, do you see Nel?”

 

“No. Why?”

 

Loly screamed as Yammy picked her up and hurled her into the water. Ulquiorra was floating on his back. He turned around again and submerged himself, coming back up and flicking water and hair out of his face. He swam around and saw Nnoitra standing with his back to Grimmjow.

 

He was saying something, Grimmjow could hear his voice. He heard Nel's voice. He was frozen where he was in the water. His brain wouldn't work to swim closer to them. Then he listened to her scream out his name. Nnoitra was nowhere to be found. He dived into the water.

 

Grimmjow grabbed Nel beneath the surface and she came up swinging her arm. He got clocked right in the jaw. This made him angry. He held her tight to him and looked around for Nnoitra who was almost clear across the beach in the deepest part of the swimming area.

 

She tried to thank him but right now he was just pissed off. He was pissed off at Nel. He was pissed off at Nnoitra. He looked down at her and said, “You've got a nasty right hook, Nel. Ulquiorra, get her up to the beach since she doesn't know how to swim.”

 

“But I—”

 

“Just go, Nel!”

 

He watched her follow the pale boy to the beach then she practically pushed him away. She was mad, Grimmjow could tell.

 

Nnoitra took that moment to swim by him. Blue eyes studied black ones. “I was just trying to help her. She started panicking.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“She's leaving.”

 

Grimmjow ripped his attention away from Nnoitra and looked to see Nel stomping off towards the road. She _was_ leaving. He quickly swam to the shallow part of the water and then ran to her.

 

“Where the hell are you going, Nel?”

 

“I'm leaving.”

 

“What the hell are you mad about? Nnoitra was trying to help you.”

 

Her next words chilled him to his core. “No, he wasn't Grimmjow. Your friend was touching me without my permission and this is the third time he's done it. I don't want to be anywhere near him.”

 

“Are you serious?” he asked. His fist clenched. So he was right about Nnoitra. “Why didn't you say something about this sooner? When?”

 

“When I came over the day after Christmas in the ninth year. The day you had to fucking leave me with him to get popcorn! That day on the roof of the school!”

 

“He said you were upset because you told him you wanted him as a boyfriend and he turned you down,” Grimmjow replied to her. “He said you lured him up to the roof that one day.”

 

“Ha! Why would I do that when I told you I didn't like him? What was his excuse for what just happened?”

 

“Nel, you're acting like a crazy bitch. It's all in your head. Nnoitra likes you, you're just misinterpreting things!”

 

She turned away from him and started walking. Grimmjow didn't bother to stop her. He felt like he was letting one of his best friends down. He tried to call her when he got back home but her stepdad told him that she didn't want to talk to anyone.

 

All three males were hanging out at Ulquiorra's house. His parents were gone and he had gotten a new video game console. He decided now was the time to talk to Nnoitra about this.

 

“Nnoitra, look man, I want you to leave Nel alone. It bothers me when you do shit to her and then deny it.”

 

Nnoitra was smirking. “You like her, don't you?”

 

“Shut your face. What if I do?” Grimmjow replied.

  
  
“Fine, I'll be nice to _your_ woman.”

 

It felt like the teen with the long black hair was mocking him. He didn't like it either. It made him uneasy.

 

When the new term started, he found himself speechless as she walked into the room. Didn't Nel understand how he felt? Did she know what she did to him? Grimmjow cursed as she took the seat next to him. Ulquiorra was in front of her and Nnoitra behind her.

 

He would often catch Nnoitra playing with Nel's hair until she would twist it into a messy bun. It was about halfway through the term on a Friday, he watched the male, slip a piece of paper over Nel's shoulder. She read it then crumpled the note.

 

It was shocking when he walked into Nnoitra's apartment.

 

His mouth went dry. His fist clenched. What the fuck was Nnoitra doing!? What the hell was Nel doing? Grimmjow's eyes went wide with rage. His gaze locked with hers. She was trying to tell him something but he didn't know what.

  
  
When Nel spoke, he knew she was scared. She told Nnoitra to stop. He had hit her. Grimmjow's vision went red. He wanted to kill his friend at that moment. He pulled Nnoitra off Nel. He automatically started beating on the other teenager, his fist hitting where he could with as much power as he could. Then when that wasn't working, he started kicking the kid.

 

His aim hit its target on the first try and Nnoitra started howling and grabbed his groin. Grimmjow stopped once he saw how bloody his friend's face was. He backed away from him lying on the floor. What had Grimmjow done?

 

Turning, he looked for Nel who cowered in a corner. She was a mess. Her hair was tangled and everywhere. Her face where Nnoitra had hit her was red. He had to help her first then he'd come back and help Nnoitra. He extended his hand towards her but Nel wasn't looking at him. She was staring at his hand.

  
  
Great. That's all he needed was the female going into shock or something. He got her to her feet. He was about to lead her out of the apartment but he noticed the piece of clothing around her ankle. Maybe he'd come back here and kill Nnoitra. He bent down and picked up Nel's foot yanking the bloodied underwear off of her foot.

 

He handed them to her and then picked up her bag. She stood there looking dumbfounded. With a sigh, Grimmjow put the damn things in her bag and then dragged her out of the apartment. He didn't mean to be rude or short with her but _DAMMIT,_ Nnoitra knew how Grimmjow felt about Nel. The guy said he would leave Nel alone.

 

He watched Nel follow Nnoitra. He heard the words they said to each other from his place in the alley beside the broke down apartment building. He followed them up the stairs. He listened through the thin walls. It was when Grimmjow didn't hear any sound that he got worried and entered the apartment.

 

It wasn't Nel's fault. It was Nnoitra's fault. He was still pissed off at both of them. He stomped through the neighborhood and she asked where they were going. Did she really expect him to deliver her to her home looking like she did?

 

He shook his head and answered her question. They got to his house and he pushed her into the dwelling. He started yelling at her once they were in his room. Why had she been so stupid!

 

Her reasoning was flawed. Nnoitra would never stop once he had her. It would just get worse. She didn't understand how far his obsessions went. Ulquiorra had even commented that the other teenager was driving himself crazy with needless desire. Grimmjow had been there every time Nnoitra said something about Nel and what he would do to her.

 

It only stopped when Grimmjow had said something to Nnoitra about liking her. Apparently, it had only stopped in his presence. He walked her home when he felt that she had calmed down. Then he made the trek to Nnoitra's. The boy wasn't in the apartment.

  
He wouldn't see Nnoitra until three months later.

 

He and Nel didn't speak a lot after it happened. They existed in an uncomfortable silence as friends. Only Ulquiorra made a comment about it one day when Grimmjow was at his house. The blue-haired male told him to mind his own business.

 

“I cannot. It's affecting your mood. You seem to have a knack for pushing negative emotions onto others. I do not wish to feel like this,” Ulquiorra replied. “Control yourself or tell her how you feel.”

 

“How the fuck am I supposed to control myself? What am I supposed to be controlling?”

 

“Your emotions.”

 

“Shut up. Let's play a game.”

 

His mom kicked him out of the house. Grimmjow used what savings he had to rent a room from a widow who owned an apartment building. He was on the top floor. It didn't bother him. He even offered to exchange his construction services to spruce the place up for rent. The old woman liked this idea and Grimmjow began to remodel the apartment building, floor by floor, in his spare time. He enjoyed his work during the school break.

 

Then Ulquiorra began to act weird. The boy was moody. He'd snap at Grimmjow for no reason. Finally, one month right before Nel's birthday, while they were drinking the beers that Nnoitra had gotten for them, the truth came out. The tall boy had swept the beat down incident under the rug. They didn't speak of it. They didn't speak of Nel to each other.

 

“What the fuck do you mean you have feelings for me?”

 

“I don't know. I just feel something. I keep drawing you.”

 

“Drawing me? What the fuck?”

 

Ulquiorra had put the contraband alcohol in his hand down on the table Grimmjow had built. He bent over and pulled a sketchbook from the bookbag he always carried around. He handed it over without a word and Grimmjow raised an eyebrow before taking it.

 

Flipping through the pages, he was surprised to see the detailed sketches of his face. There were sketches of his body. There were sketches of the both of them together. “You're gay?”

 

He shook his head and then pulled out a second sketchbook. He handed this to Grimmjow without saying anything. Grimmjow was even more confused as she saw the pages flick by of Nel. Nel's face, her body, images of her and Ulquiorra. Images of the three of them.

 

Grimmjow did a careful and wordless study of his friend. The dark-haired male was staring straight ahead with no emotion on his face. He looked almost like a robot with how blank and passive his expression was. “Is this why you've been bitchy?”

 

A nod.

 

“Why the fuck would you have feelings for me?”

 

“I do not know. It is the same thing with Nel,” Ulquiorra said as he closed his eyes. Grimmjow saw the kid's distress written all over his face with that one action.

 

“Dude, you've not said a fucking word to Nel voluntarily since you've met her!”

 

“Doesn't mean I can't desire her. I am a teenage male,” Ulquiorra replied with a side glance. “I do not wish to cause trouble. I am informing you.”

 

Grimmjow raised his eyebrow higher at this then looked down at the sketchbooks in his hands. He didn't understand this guy at all. “So, what, you want to hook up with her and me? You want to be the third wheel in a relationship?”

 

This earned him another side glance. “Again, I don't know,” came the monotone reply. “I just know that this feeling is eating away at me. I don't understand it. I can't accept it.”

 

Later that night, after a couple more beers, Grimmjow found Ulquiorra standing on the edge of the flat roof, five stories up, overlooking the city. His blue eyes were scared as he saw the other boy's foot shift near the edge.

 

“Do not come closer,” he stated.

 

“Why the fuck are you doing this, Ulquiorra?” Grimmjow yelled. “You're scaring me, man.”

 

“I told you. I don't understand what is going on with me. I can not accept this—whatever this is.” Ulquiorra turned his head back to the city.

 

Grimmjow inched over the surface of the roof. He was freaking out. “Don't you think we can logically find a way to figure this out? It's not that bad! Just think about this.”

 

Those green eyes were on him again and Grimmjow was thanking everything in the heavens that Ulquiorra was now backing up step by step. The blue-haired teen got closer to him and soon as he was within reach, he grabbed him.

 

“I swear to whatever, if you ever pull a fucking stunt like that again, I will kill you myself,” Grimmjow hissed. He didn't remember the clumsy touches or the awkward kisses. Grimmjow just knew that when he woke up to find Ulquiorra lying beside him in his bed the next morning, fully clothed and laying on his stomach. They never did mention the incident.

 

Grimmjow now knew what his friend was capable of though. The guy was so afraid to feel anything that he was willing to end his life because of it.

 

Time passed by and it was Nel's birthday when Nnoitra called him. He wanted to hang out. When Grimmjow told him that he and Ulquiorra were taking Nel to the movies as a gift; he wanted to tag along. The blue-haired male said into the phone, “I don't think that's a good idea, Nnoitra. I don't think you should be around her.”

 

“Look, man, do you want me to apologize to her? I will. You know, where I was and where I've been. I've changed a lot, you've seen it. I'm not that same asshole I was a year ago.”

 

“It's not up to me, Nnoitra. It's up to Nel. You can tag along but I don't think she's gonna want to see you.”

 

“Fine, I'll come with you.”

 

Ulquiorra had a sour look on his face when he saw Nnoitra. Grimmjow had told him what happened between Nel and the guy. Their mood was heavy instead of light. No one said anything as they walked towards, Nel's workplace. Grimmjow could see her sitting at the front counter.

 

They were early and they had agreed to meet at Nel's house but Grimmjow didn't think that Nnoitra being at Nel's house would be a good idea.

 

She greeted them warmly. Ulquiorra's distaste for Nnoitra showed but when she looked at Grimmjow he shook his head. Ulquiorra had been a moody guy concerning Nel since that incident on the roof. The blue-haired male guessed that he was still working through his brain about her.

 

“Are you almost done?”

 

When she answered, his stomach dropped. “I've got about twenty more minutes. You guys are early. I thought we were going to meet at my house?”

 

He was going to answer with a warning about what was waiting outside the shop but he couldn't. He was pissed off and it was starting to show. The bell tinkled again and Grimmjow's eyes slowly closed. Nnoitra had walked in. Damn him.

 

His blue eyes watched her silently implode. She was very stiff and robotic as she turned back to him. Grimmjow was trying to tell her that he was a thousand times sorry but nothing was coming out of his mouth.

 

She smiled, “What do you guys need?”

 

Grimmjow knew she was breaking inside. He could see it. She was starting to come apart at the seams. He opened his mouth but Nnoitra was quicker with his words.

 

“I want to get a piercing,” the taller man said.

 

Nel automatically picked up a clipboard and handed it to him and then disappeared into the hallway. He handed the papers to the other male and then sat down with a heavy sigh. He could hear the pen scratching on the board. Time seemed to slowly slip by before Pesche came out to retrieve Nnoitra. Grimmjow just waited for Nel to appear.

 

When she did show her face again, she was a mess. She'd been crying, he could tell. Her face was puffy; eyes red; she looked distraught. He had tried to apologize. “I'm sorry, Nel—I apol—Nel?”

 

She shook her head and said she wasn't feeling good. She wanted them to go see the movie without her. Today was her birthday! It was supposed to be her present. He grabbed her arm. He just wanted her to talk to him instead of bottling this shit inside of her. He could see it was killing her. “Nel?”

 

Her only response was to look up into his eyes and coldly say, “Leave me alone, Grimm.”

 

The distance between them grew and he didn't really even hang out with her at school anymore. Ulquiorra was conflicted who he was supposed to sit with at lunch. Grimmjow was moody, so he mostly ignored the green-eyed boy until he left, seeking out Nel.

 

They didn't really talk either. It seemed like Nnoitra had torn them all apart.

 

Occasionally, she'd show up at his place to hang out but she didn't stay long. Nnoitra would usually be there with two goons, Tesla and Szayel. He'd introduced them to Nel but she ignored them, talking mostly to Grimmjow and Ulquiorra when he decided to be social.

 

Strange things started happening. Nel would smile at Nnoitra and it pissed Grimmjow off. She started talking to him and it made it worse. He was jealous that the focus was being taken away from him and put on that guy. The guy who made her life hell for so many years.

 

He'd noticed things about Nnoitra too. He was less of a dick. Grimmjow tried to figure out what game he was trying to play. Since Nel's workplace was down the street from Grimmjow's wood workshop, he saw Nnoitra going into the place often.

 

Grimmjow tried to talk to Nel to warn her but he felt like a jerk because he was just being paranoid. He felt like she would accuse him of things, like being a crazy bastard. He'd done that to her a lot; he'd brush off her concern about the guy. He hadn't listened.

 

He had a small party celebrating the final term of school. Grimmjow's eyes saw Nel and Nnoitra leave together. He wanted to go after them. He wanted to remind Nel of what that asshole had done to her years ago. Ulquiorra had subtly shaken his head.

 

He didn't know why but he spent most of his time at Kenpachi's dojo, fighting other people in that place. He caught Kenpachi's daughter's eye. He took her out a couple times again. and then broke her heart. All he told Yachiru was that he had feelings for another female and he didn't want to take advantage of her feelings for him.

 

Kenpachi was merciless as he used his fist to pound Grimmjow into the dojo's mat. The man proved for hours that he was more powerful than Grimmjow would ever be. It was okay, the blue-eyed male thought he deserved it. He didn't deserve it for leading Yachiru on; it was deserved because he hadn't stopped Nel.

 

That ass whooping was for all the years he failed to protect the girl he'd given his heart to.

 

When the term started, Nel hung out with them again but she was different. She seemed distressed and distracted. Whenever a certain male's name was mentioned, she looked hopeful. Often times, she would stare out the window, daydreaming.

 

Then he found out what her problem was. He wanted her to talk to him but Ulquiorra and her started their shit with fighting. Grimmjow pointed out that Ulquiorra had a point. “You're different.”

 

“Where's Nnoitra?”

 

That question surprised him. Why did she want to know? So, he asked, “Huh? Why are you asking about that asshole?”

 

“Never mind.”

 

“No, no, no. I'm not gonna let this go or never mind. What's going on?” He touched her and made her look at him. When she gasped, he turned his head to see Nnoitra standing on the other side of the fence. He nodded her over.

 

She stood up and walked over to him. She touched him. She talked to him. It made him see red. Grimmjow scowled at his friend who had become a totally different person over the years. He heard what Nnoitra said to her.

 

“Hey, Nel? Don't let him touch you again. You're mine.”

 

Grimmjow became volatile. Whenever Nel addressed him, he snapped at her. If she came into close range of him, he'd make a snide remark. He tried to hurt her just as bad as she had hurt him.

 

Ulquiorra decided to be Captain Obvious and point out that Grimmjow never said anything to Nel, so how could she know how he felt?

 

Then the bruises started appearing. Grimmjow became angrier.

 

Like him, Nel barely graduated high school. He didn't bother taking any exam for furthering his education. He couldn't afford it and he was doing just fine building custom things for people and the paid gigs as a drummer. Granted it wasn't much but his landlady didn't expect rent because he was still remodeling the building where he lived.

 

Grimmjow knew that Nel decided to become a full-fledged tattoo artist. He knew that she moved in with Nnoitra even though he warned her against it. Nnoitra would bring her over to Grimmjow's apartment. They would drink and his blue eyes would never leave the marks on her skin.

  
  
Why didn't Nel see what he was doing to her?

 

He wanted to choke the life out of Nnoitra but he didn't say anything. It wasn't his place. Grimmjow saw how low the taller man had hit. He'd slammed into rock bottom with the drugs and alcohol.

 

Grimmjow knew that Nnoitra cheated on Nel because the man brought bitches into his apartment and fucked them on his couch. He didn't say anything to his friend. It wasn't his place.

 

Soon, he didn't hear from Nel. He didn't see her often. Ulquiorra, the ever-loyal friend would sometimes hang out with her when he wasn't trying to sell his artwork. Then Nnoitra came over to his apartment; he had beer. He had a gun.

  
  
“What are you gonna do with it Nnoitra?” Grimmjow asked.

 

“Lots of things, man.”

 

“Like?”

 

“Take out my competition,” Nnoitra answered. He sniffed up a white line that he carefully laid out. “Take out anyone who opposes me.”

 

“Why even fuck with that stuff? Do you feel like you're a god while on it? Does it give you fake courage?”

 

“Heh, Grimm. You don't even know, do you?”

 

Grimmjow knew at that moment, his former best friend was lower than rock bottom. He knew that Nnoitra was either going to get himself seriously hurt or killed. He would possibly cause the same outcome for Nel. The fourth day he had a voicemail on his phone. He didn't usually listen to them but it was from Nnoitra.

 

“Grimmjow, it's Nnoi—fuck man you know who this is. I left your place early this morning. I had to get something in me. I needed my fake courage as you call it. Look, man, you won't be hearing from me anymore. I'm gonna be tying up some loose ends and then leaving. Don't bother with Nel, okay? She won't be around.”

 

His throat constricted. Nnoitra was tying up loose ends? What did that mean? What did he mean by Nel not being around? It was a little after noon when he was walking in Nel's and Nnoitra's neighborhood. They still lived in that dump of an apartment building.

 

He heard it.

 

He ran. He had heard gunfire. Nnoitra was going to do something to her. He ran so fast his lungs were bursting when he rounded the corner. Even then it didn't seem fast enough. Sirens screamed past his ears. He hoped he wasn't too late.

 

People were gathering around.

 

He saw the ambulance. He saw the body on the ground with the sheet over it. There were bullets all over the place. His feet hit the pavement in staccato beats.

 

“Stand back!” the police ordered.

 

Grimmjow slowed down and fell to his knees, looking at the bodies laying on the ground. Nel—was she? Her body appeared lifeless as they were putting her on a stretcher. He stared at nothing with horror in his eyes. What was under that sheet? Who was it? What had Nnoitra done?

 

A policeman came over to him and was talking but Grimmjow couldn't hear what he was saying. All he could make out was static. The quiet hum that television static made when he couldn't get any channels on his old busted set.

  
  
“Nel?”

 

“Do you know these people?”

 

“Nelliel?”

 

“Sir, I think this guy knows them!”

 

Grimmjow was hauled to his feet. He was shoved into a police car. Men asked him questions. He told them what he knew about Nnoitra and Nel. He identified Nnoitra's body. Grimmjow wasn't sad. The bastard deserved worse. He didn't deserve the peace of death while Nel was in the fucking hospital fighting for her life!

 

That's where she was; Nel was in the hospital. The policemen dropped him off there. When he walked into the room, yelling started. Kenpachi had him by the throat against the door. Nel's step-father was there trying to get Kenpachi off of him. Grimmjow was being blamed. Why hadn't he warned them what Nnoitra was? Why hadn't the man said anything about the abuse Nel suffered?

 

If Grimmjow could, he'd take it all back. He'd take back ever going up to her and introducing himself. He'd take back any kind word he said to her if it meant that she lived. He'd keep her safe if he'd never shown an interest in her. That's what started it all. Had Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez never shown an interest in Nelliel Tu, Nnoitra Gilga would have never made her life a living hell.

 

_He stood at his normal place across the schoolyard and saw those girls picking on the new kid. Yeah, she was strange but they all were strange in some way. “She's pretty,” he remembered saying._

 

“ _That's the new girl,” Ulquiorra replied._

 

_Grimmjow saw Nnoitra's head slither into his vision. His eyes held a bit of madness in them even then. “Let's go over and say hi,” he said with a too wide smile._

 

He would sit in Nel's hospital room and prayed though he never believed in religion. He would whisper words to Nel about how fucking sorry he was and how much he felt for her. He told her while she was in that coma that he loved her and he would make up for all of his mistakes.

 

When she woke up, he disappeared. After a month or two, he started coming around again. He just felt so much blame and guilt for what happened to her. He felt like he was responsible for every bad thing that happened in her life since coming to Nikko.

 

He would witness how the random memories would hit her. She'd be in her new apartment, standing at her sink, washing dishes. Her knees would shake and she would start hyperventilating. Grimmjow would hold her there. It was a friendly hug.

  
  
He gave up any hope of Nel having feelings for him. He made sure he was there for her though when she needed it. Grimmjow went with her when she got her first tattoo. Dondochakka's mouth was as thin as a pencil as he laid that huge stencil onto her back.

 

The blue-haired man just held onto her hand, watching her face as the tears ran from her eyes. Grimmjow's heart hurt. Had he not been a pussy and just talked to her—had he just said something she wouldn't have to deal with this.

 

Ulquiorra told them he was going to become a tattoo artist. Nel pushed the green-eyed man from her life. He was associated with criminals. There was no room in her life for that.

 

The spoon came next and Grimmjow didn't understand the reference.

  
  
He tried to cheer Nel up by taking her places and letting her experience a glimpse of what romance and a real relationship looked and felt like.

 

He was just being a friend.

 

It wasn't enough though. The visits of coffee; pastries at the park under cherry blossom trees; the bad jokes and puns; the bookshelf he'd lovingly built for her wasn't enough because pretty soon she'd get another tattoo.

 

They were watching a movie at Nel's when she kissed him. He remembered gathering her carefully in his arms and carrying her to her bedroom. She was beautiful when she undressed.

 

From that first night, he made love to her. Grimmjow showed her how much he was willing to sacrifice for her. He wanted to show her so much—how much life had to offer.

  
  
After he made her orgasm with his mouth and fingers, she sobbed and he felt guilty as he realized Nel had never had an orgasm. Nnoitra never gave her any kind of pleasurable release. It was pain she had been offered time and time again. He hugged her and held her. She opened up and talked to him. She revealed that Nnoitra made her to disgusting things but she liked some of them.

 

She would often call him at night. They would talk into the early hours of the day. Grimmjow would chuckle low into the phone which she would make her purr. He knew he wanted to hear that all the time. He wanted to wake up next to her. He wanted to be with her.

 

Nel wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready for anything except those bliss filled moments.

 

It finally became too much. Grimmjow was tired of keeping his feelings hidden. So, he called her and asked her to come over. She did. He undressed her and they made it as far as the couch before he was inside of her. He had much more romantic ideas but he realized that Nel would need to warm up to the idea of that.

 

He moved slowly with her; kissing her; touching her. He brought her to several peaks of ecstasy. In those post-sex moments, Grimmjow told her. “Nel, I love you. I've been in love with you. I wanted to kill Nnoitra that day—the day I saw you on his couch.”

 

She had shut him up by kissing him hard. She told him to fuck her. She didn't want his words. Grimmjow woke the next morning to her sleeping face. She was still beautiful. Her pale teal hair was tangled and a mess. When she opened her hazel eyes, Grimmjow didn't think he could ever fall harder for someone.

 

“You know, someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be. You've seen how moody I can get. You now know how hard I can be to handle. Are you sure you want to put up with that, Grimm? I'll understand if you say no. I won't be mad.”

 

Nel was crazy. He had spent years yearning for her. He had let a madman have her first. He would never let her go. “I want you in my life, Nel.”

 

Grimmjow meant it too.

 

It wasn't easy. She should have walked away from him too if he was being honest with himself. It was just sometimes he still got so angry about Nnoitra and it'd been four years since it happened. He counted himself lucky though. He had so much more than the deceased man had ever thought of.

 

Ulquiorra, who was his first friend, was his home. He loved the man because he'd been there throughout everything. He had saved Grimmjow from destroying a lot of things in his life. He didn't deserve him.

  
  
Orihime, who had been his secret, was his home too. She had been the biggest comfort in his life after Ulquiorra had gotten shot. He didn't deserve her either.

 

Nelliel Tu was the reason he fought so hard in life. He challenged her so that she would challenge him. He listened to her. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to have kids with her. He wanted to give her everything that she wanted. Taking that first step to tell her that he loved her had been a huge one.

 

Nel was his home and he'd follow her anywhere to be with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alanis Morrisette - Jekyl and Hyde  
> Aesthetic Perfection - The Ones  
> He Is We - Pardon Me  
> Placebo - Pure Morning  
> In This Moment - River of Fire  
> Woodkid - Run Boy Run  
> Marilyn Manson - Running To The Edge of the World  
> White Stripes - Seven Nation Army  
> KoRn - Shoots and Ladders  
> Tool - Sober  
> Aesthetic Perfection - Spit It Out  
> We The Kings - Sad Song  
> Bruce Dickinson - Starchild  
> Avenged Sevenfold - This Means War  
> Story of the Year - Until The Day I Die  
> Alanis Morrisette - Versions of Violence  
> Type O Negative - (We Were) Electrocute  
> Go Radio - Why I'm Home  
> The Offspring - You're Going to Go Far, Kid


	3. Walls So Thick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out Ulquiorra's side of the friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own Bleach, don't sue. I'm a demented person, who wants to play with fanfiction.
> 
> Ulquiorra's early childhood and a look into his world and why he is like he is in Carnival of Rust.

**Ulquiorra**

 

His entrance into the world was a quiet one. There was no celebration. His mother didn't have a hard labor and he barely fussed. He'd been named Ulquiorra as a joke. In Spanish, it meant 'he who cried'. He'd never really shed a tear a day in his life. He might have whined but never cried.

 

His mother would get compliments on how well behaved he was. Ulquiorra knew that if you followed rules, no one would hurt you; scold you; humiliate you. He learned this lesson at a young age. His parents, too busy to care for a child and hired a nanny. The woman always kept him at an arm's length away but he would see her embrace her own children with love.

  
  
One day, she had been especially kind to him. He'd given her a hug. The woman screamed at him. She whipped him with a rolled up newspaper and then locked him in a dark room. When his parents arrived home, he was let out. He was scolded by his parents for wetting himself. The nanny hadn't let him out to use the toilet.

 

He learned to regard the women who kept an eye on him with disinterest. He never touched another woman who was hired by his parents. He didn't want to go through anything like the humiliation he had faced.

 

Being as young as he was, he still remembered how his face burned as his father called him, “Bebe.”

 

People thought he was too different. It caused concern for the Cifer family.

 

“ _He's so pale.”_

 

“ _Is he sickly?”_

 

“ _His eyes are too green.”_

 

“ _He's small. He won't grow up strong.”_

 

He knew not to pay attention to the words. But sometimes, when he was playing a game by himself, it hurt that he was an outcast. As soon as he was old enough, he was shipped off to a nursery school. The boy who he shared a cubby with was just as strange looking as he was. Ulquiorra's eyebrows would draw into a slight scowl as the boy known as Grimmjow would roughly button his coat.

 

Ulquiorra knew he didn't like people. They were too loud. They stared too much. They whispered behind their hands and gave fake smiles. He didn't speak to his parents about his schoolyard troubles. He didn't talk to the nannies. He would sit in silence and brood.

 

Until, one day in the spring, Ulquiorra was sitting under a tree reading a book with a bunch of pages and pictures. It was filled with facts about things that were tangible. The round ball smacked him in the face. He sat there for a moment in shock, blinking at the offensive playground equipment that dared to intrude on his silent musings.

 

He stood up and saw the boy with the even stranger eye color staring at him with an open mouth. His cubby partner had kicked a ball at him. Ulquiorra watched him jog over to him. Even at the age of five years old, he had to look up at some of his classmates because of how small he was.

 

“Sorry,” Grimmjow said.

 

“Did you do that on purpose?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

One of the side effects of not having friends meant that he read a lot. He had a superior vocabulary than most pre-schoolers. He could write and spell better than most children. Ulquiorra's family called him the littlest grown up they had encountered with his vast knowledge and flat emotions.

 

“Did you mean to do it? Did you mean to kick the ball at me?”

 

“No, it just went that way,” the boy replied. “Your nose is bleeding.”

 

His hand came up to his face and Ulquiorra pulled it away to see bright red smeared on his fingers. “Oh. It didn't hurt though.”

 

“Come on!” Grimmjow grabbed his arm which made Ulquiorra flail for a moment. How dare the boy touch him without asking! “Stop! I'm taking you to the teacher and she can take you to the nurse.”

 

Their teacher frowned when she saw them but said nothing as she escorted Ulquiorra to the nurse's office and then Grimmjow to the Head Teacher. Ulquiorra could hear as he protested all the way down the hall.

 

A frown overcame his face as the nurse dabbed his nose and face with cotton. It wasn't Grimmjow's fault. He said he didn't mean to kick the ball. He hadn't done it on purpose. Ulquiorra was taken back to the classroom when the nurse was done. Grimmjow's seat was empty.

 

They became friends after that. Ulquiorra didn't use the free time to read anymore. He taught Grimmjow some pretty big words. The other boy taught him how to make rude noises with his hands and skip rocks along a water's surface. It was one of the first times that Ulquiorra actually laughed.

 

It was a few months later that a new kid joined their class. He was skinny as a stick and tall. The new kid was fully Japanese but the other kids kept away from him. He had small squinty eyes and a wide mouth. He would smile creepily at people.

 

Nnoitra Gilga.

 

He enjoyed making Ulquiorra mad during play time. He sat beside Ulquiorra and would say mean things to him. He tried to bully Grimmjow but the boys had gotten into a fight.

 

“I don't like him,” Ulquiorra said one day as they were walking through the playground. “There's something about him that says he's mean.”

 

“You're being stupid. He gets bullied just like we do. We should talk to him.”

 

“So you're going to be his friend?”

 

“Are you mad? You're still my best friend, Ulquiorra.”

 

The green-eyed boy would not admit to relief to that statement but he accepted the strange boy as an acquaintance. Ulquiorra knew he would never get any closer to Nnoitra than that. He would not allow it.

 

Then as they progressed through elementary school, Nnoitra became meaner. Grimmjow told him that Nnoitra's mom was really sick. Then his mom died. Ulquiorra would watch as the long-haired boy would go on rampages.

 

“He puts me in the mind of a serial killer,” Ulquiorra said one day as he flipped through a manga during lunch. His nanny had forgotten to pack his lunch that morning. Grimmjow handed him a juice box. The green-eyed boy took it without a word. “He got in trouble this morning for cutting off a girl's pigtail with scissors.”

 

“What's a cereal killer? Is that the stuff that American's eat in the morning?”

 

“Not cereal as in food, idiot. Serial as in repeating the same offense over and over.” Ulquiorra replied.

 

“Offense?”

 

“Crime. Don't you read?”

 

“I try not to unless it has superheroes in it.”

 

Ulquiorra studied everyone around him as much as he possibly could because he needed to. He needed to know what made people do what they did. He wanted to know their reasons for operating like they did. He knew that his way of thinking was not normal but he hadn't grown up like most kids. Most kids had loving parents and relatives. All he had were nannies and the images of parents who expected him to be a good kid.

 

“She's pretty,” Grimmjow said.

 

“That's the new girl,” Ulquiorra replied. “She's in our class but since she arrived, she's been quiet.”

 

“Let's go over and say hi,” Nnoitra said.

 

Ulquiorra felt the need to point something out. “You're doing that creepy smile thing, Nnoitra.”

 

“Shut it, freak.”

 

“Tch. You look like a freak,” the green-eyed boy said.

 

So the trio walked over and introduced themselves. The girl replied. Ulquiorra treated her with disinterest because he figured that Grimmjow liked her because he commented on her appearance. A couple months after accepting her into their group, Grimmjow invited Nel over to Ulquiorra's house to watch movies.

 

She was supposed to come over with them but her family took her to the zoo or something. Ulquiorra hadn't really cared if she was there or not. He'd been on a bit of a rebellious streak and wouldn't eat anything but popcorn. Microwaved popcorn at that. It bothered his mom.

 

“Ulquiorra, please eat.”

 

“I want popcorn.”

 

“Your mother said to eat.”

 

“I would like popcorn, please.”

 

They wouldn't give in to his demands, so he would sit there and when the plates and bowls of food would be cleaned up, Ulquiorra would make himself popcorn. He followed the directions carefully. He had found himself making multiple bags that night but when Grimmjow pointed out how many, he felt this funny jolt go through him.

  
  
His brain was telling him that he was embarrassed. The boys mocked him. He decided that it would be better if he showed no emotion for this situation. That's how he reacted to most events in his life up to a certain point.  


People would whisper that he was a robot. He wasn't a robot. He just didn't care to waste energy on stupid things, like emotions.

 

His school education passed by without incident. When those dolts were getting in trouble, he would underhandedly insult the teacher who would take them as compliments. He never got sent to the principal's office. Ulquiorra knew what tact was and he used it to the fullest. The only time he openly insulted someone was Nnoitra.

 

When Grimmjow and Nnoitra were drooling over Nel, he'd scoffed. Those three were going through puberty and he was still the same Ulquiorra. Except when his voice started changing. It cracked and went from a little boy's timbre to a smooth tenor or baritone. He wasn't sure which.

 

It was monotone though. The school psychologist recommended him for some kind of therapy. Ulquiorra questioned this and the answer he got was ridiculous.

 

“You have no inflection in your voice. I've noticed you around the school. You have a disassociation with your peers. We find that is a sign of—”

 

There was nothing wrong with him, so he simply left the woman's office.

 

When Grimmjow and Nnoitra got into their first fight over Nel, he said nothing. He just ate his lunch. He wasn't surprised when both boys had been suspended. He did the same thing day after day. He ate his lunch with Nel.

 

She would sigh and look around as if expecting Grimmjow or Nnoitra to say something. Ulquiorra studied her too. He would mention her to Grimmjow. The blue-eyed boy in exile seemed to drink in this information that he was feeding him.

 

The term ended without any more incidents from the two blockheads and summer break arrived. His parents were going to Kyoto for something and he had to go along with them. He was gone for almost three weeks. His mom tried to make the trip fun but seeing geisha and going to the zoo was not his idea of amusement.

 

When he got back, Grimmjow came over.  


“I was so stupid, man,” the boy with blue hair lamented.

 

“What did you do to your hair?”

 

“It's cool, isn't it?”

 

“You look even more freaky. Your eyes match your hair; you realize that, right?” Ulquiorra commented.

 

“Yes, I do, stupid!” Grimmjow replied. “Let me tell you what I did.”

 

Grimmjow told him and Ulquiorra kept a straight face. “So you let a female... Wait, not just any female, you let _Nel_ see you naked and she basically shot you down?”

 

“No, she wasn't interested,” Grimmjow replied.

 

“Isn't that same thing?”

 

“No.”

 

But when they all hung out together Ulquiorra stared at his blue hair and her funny teal-ish seafoam green hair. He couldn't exactly place it but he felt almost jealous. Once again, he stuffed his feelings deep down and wouldn't acknowledge them. There was no need for them.

 

He did decide to goad Grimmjow about it. The boy had taken offense.

 

“Shut up! It's not like I planned for it to happen, asshole!” Grimmjow said as he blushed. Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow at this. “I tried to get her to do pink or purple. Girl colors.”

 

“That's sexist.”

 

“Uh...” Grimmjow said. The confused look on his face said it all.  


Ulquiorra knew he was going to have to give a definition. Someone should have just stamped Human Dictionary on his head.

 

When their ninth-year started, Grimmjow would miss school but he knew that was because the male was trying to save money. Nnoitra didn't show up as much either. He'd go over to Grimmjow's and hand him the homework or notes. They were taken meticulously.

 

“So, how was today?” Grimmjow would ask.

 

Ulquiorra would launch into a narrative about how Nel acted that day. He would follow her around at lunch because that's all he knew. He'd have lunch with Nel when Grimmjow and Nnoitra were not there.

 

“Girls talk about the most disturbing things,” Ulquiorra finished with on this particular day.

 

“Why the hell are you hanging out with girls?” Grimmjow asked.

 

“You're not there. Who am I supposed to talk to during lunch?” The green-eyed boy asked. It wasn't his fault that Grimmjow and Nnoitra weren't there half the time.

 

“You don't exactly talk to Nel.”

 

The dark-haired boy shrugged. He was afraid to talk to her outright because she seemed to be wrapped up in Grimmjow and her feud with Nnoitra. He didn't want to upset the balance of things. “Spending the lunch period with her is better than sitting alone. I mean, if I'm alone, the jocks start harassing me.”

 

Ninth-year was the year he learned that he liked drawing. He would draw anything and everything. He started carrying a sketchbook. He had a knack for it too.

 

Winter break came and Nel gave him a pencil set. He felt horrible because he didn't get her anything. He thanked her profusely but Nnoitra had to ruin everything. Nel ended up running out of Grimmjow's house that night. She looked scared and he mentioned this to Grimmjow.

 

His best friend looked worried. He and Nnoitra got into a shouting match. The festive atmosphere was broken.

 

A lot of things happened over the next year. He and Grimmjow made some new friends in the way of new students. They didn't look anything like the “normal” kids. Yammy was okay but he wanted to be by Ulquiorra's side constantly. It annoyed him to no end.

 

“Can I help you out Ulquiorra?”

 

“No, Yammy, go away.”

 

“What are you doing, Ulquiorra?”

 

Sigh. “Nothing, Yammy. Go away.”

 

“Hey, Ulquiorra!”

 

It was a constant barrage of nonsense because he suddenly had the attention of a female. Ulquiorra didn't know how to handle it. She would talk to him. She would ask questions. Loly wouldn't take no for an answer. She didn't care if the green-eyed boy ignored her. She was always in his space.

 

He started to get annoyed with it. Then Loly suggested for Ulquiorra to take her younger sister out on a couple of dates. He only did it to get the other girl off his back but Loly only attached herself further to him. Then he found out Loly had talked her sister into accepting the dates so that maybe, she could fool around with him too.

 

Ulquiorra's nose wrinkled with disgust. Even though he firmly told Loly he had no interest in her, she didn't stop.

 

“What the hell am I supposed to do, Grimmjow? She won't leave me alone.”

 

It was Nnoitra who answered him. “Let her suck your dick or fuck her. Get over it. You have a female interested in you. That won't happen ever again, reject.”

 

Ulquiorra wasn't about to tell Nnoitra that he was wrong. His older next door neighbor kept trying to solicit him. The woman was practically begging him to come over and spend time with her. Her husband was older and was often away on business.

 

“That's horrible advice Nnoitra,” Grimmjow said in reply. “Loly might bite his dick off.”

 

Ulquiorra's eyes went wide with that image. He didn't think he'd ever get the disturbing vision from his brain. “No, thanks,” he mumbled. “I don't want crazy bitches like you two find.”

 

“Heh,” Nnoitra chuckled.

 

“I don't know. I've not really had any crazy bitches,” Grimmjow shrugged.

 

“What about that bitch who sucked you off?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The Frenchie,” Nnoitra said.

 

“Giselle?” Grimmjow turned slightly red. “Dude, I didn't think anyone saw us.”

 

“She was crazy.”

 

Ulquiorra sighed as he listened to the two men banter about their sexual experiences. He had no need for it. He'd squash whatever animalistic hormones he had inside himself. He had never experienced a so-called wet dream. He found none of his classmates attractive.

 

It was that year he shot up and his height stopped at five-foot-six inches. He was still short. He was shorter than Nel. It agitated him to no end. The only person smaller than him was Loly.

 

Nnoitra acted weirder around Nel when he was at school. Ulquiorra noted this change. It was especially strange the day he said he left something in the school. His green-eyes spotted the other male; he stuck out like a sore thumb with his height.

  
  
Once Grimmjow pulled him along and explained what was gonna happen, Ulquiorra helped Nel up to her feet. She seemed to shiver. He knew something serious had happened.

 

“Thank you, Ulquiorra.”

 

These words left him speechless. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it. He turned his head to see Grimmjow's blue hair run across the sports field. He was giving chase to Nnoitra. He sighed deeply then said, “Nel?”

 

She looked at him, surprised. “Yeah?”

  
“Would you like to check and see if there are any new mangas?”

 

He just told Grimmjow that she had been shocked and thanked him. He didn't go into detail about the whole manga outing. She'd been very passionate about her favorite one and was trying to draw him away from the mechs and zombie ones he enjoyed.

 

Ulquiorra had suffered the outing because he was trying to keep Nel occupied while Grimmjow and Nnoitra did their thing. When it concerned Nel, it seemed like they physically fought more and more.

 

When summer break came around he found himself thinking more about the female body and sex. He said nothing about it though. He only went along on the beach trip because he didn't want to deal with Loly and her unwanted advances.

 

He saw Nel's body when she ran toward the water. He had to shut his brain down quickly or else he'd suffer the needless energy stealing emotions. It didn't stop him from eyeing Nel's chest when he escorted her to the sand after the whole thing with Nnoitra.

 

It was that day Ulquiorra decided that he needed to analyze something. If he was to effectively smother these normal teenage hormones, he'd have to experience whatever sex was. He found himself at his next door neighbor's house. Cirucci wasn't happy when she answered the door.

 

“What do you want?” she asked as she leaned against the door frame only clad in a skimpy bathing suit.

 

“I would like to take you up on your offer. I am curious about things.”

 

A smile spread across her face and she dragged Ulquiorra into the house by his t-shirt. “Why didn't you say so?”

 

The woman had taught him a lot during that break. If he wasn't at Grimmjow's hanging out, he was over at Cirucci's house learning how to eat pussy. That's what she said it was. They only had sex once because Ulquiorra wasn't comfortable with it. She was married. Going down on her was fine, using his fingers was okay. He didn't want to fuck a married woman. After it was all over, he still didn't feel the need for sex though. It was messy and awkward.

 

It was a couple of days before the start of the new term when Grimmjow and Nnoitra got into a verbal fight. Ulquiorra invited Grimmjow over to play a new game he'd gotten. He had dragged asshole with him.

 

Grimmjow admitted to liking Nel and Nnoitra said he'd leave her alone. Ulquiorra didn't think it was going to be that easy. He'd been right because whenever he passed a paper to Nel, she seemed distressed.

 

Ulquiorra knew why. Nnoitra was behind her. He'd do all kinds of stuff to Nel. Poke her in the back with sharpened pencils; pull her hair; write on her neck with an ink pen; pass her lewd notes. He wondered what Grimmjow would do if he noticed the things that were transpiring between Nnoitra and Nel. It wouldn't be good.

 

Halfway through the term, Nnoitra stopped coming to school and Nel tried her hardest to ignore him and Grimmjow. It didn't bother Ulquiorra that much until Grimmjow's negativity started eating away at him.

 

Sometimes, he wished he could have a lobotomy to get away from other people's emotions. He painfully pointed it out one day. “Why are you so pissed off? Because Nel wants to ignore your existence?”

 

“Mind your business, Cifer.”

 

“Ooooh, someone's using last names,” Ulquiorra retorted. “Get the hell over it.”

 

“What the fuck is your problem man? It doesn't concern you. Mind your business.”

 

“I cannot. It's affecting your mood. You seem to have a knack for pushing negative emotions onto others. I do not wish to feel like this. Control yourself or tell her how you feel.”

 

“How the fuck am I supposed to control myself? What am I supposed to be controlling?”

 

“Your emotions.”

 

“Shut up. Let's play a game.”

 

Ulquiorra tried to squash the negative feelings down but he realized something. He was fucking jealous of Nel and how much attention the female got. The next chance he got, he had sex with Cirucci again. It didn't help. The feeling still remained. It made him uncomfortable.

 

He began to study Grimmjow. He drew him in thick vibrant lines on the pages of his sketchbook. The lines of his jaw were angular. The curves of his hair in vivid detail. His abdominal muscles carefully outlined. Toward the back of the blank book were more disturbing and intimate sketches he'd done.

 

As the weeks went on, he realized he had the same feelings for Nel too. He filled a sketchbook up with drawings of her too; of all of them together. He would grit his teeth whenever he saw them. He couldn't help it. It was overwhelming.

 

Ulquiorra didn't want to deal with it.

 

Then Nnoitra started coming back around which made him angrier because that piece of shit had done something to both Grimmjow and Nel. He had destroyed the connection that they all had together. Ulquiorra knew this. He could analyze anyone. Nnoitra was playing a game that was becoming dangerous.

 

“Want to play some video games?”

 

“Fuck off, Grimmjow.”

 

“What the fuck is your problem?”

 

He wouldn't allow himself to be alone around Grimmjow because he'd start picking fights. He wanted to smash Grimmjow beneath his hands. He didn't understand why he felt this way. He fucking hated it.

 

Often times he left, but that night he didn't. They'd been drinking. Nnoitra had tried to get them to do some kind of drug that he had brought with him. Both Ulquiorra and Grimmjow declined then the long-haired teen left, leaving the alcohol.

 

Ulquiorra had nursed that beer for a couple hours before he said, “This is going to sound strange but,” he paused to take a swallow of the beer in his hands. “I am experiencing emotions towards you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Apparently, he was going to have to spell it out for Grimmjow. “I have feelings for you, fuck head!” 

 

“What the fuck do you mean you have feelings for me?”

 

“I don't know. I just feel something. I keep drawing you.”

 

“Drawing me? What the fuck?”

 

He unzipped his bookbag and practically slapped the sketchbook into Grimmjow's hand. He stared at the floor as he heard the pages flip.

 

Flip.

 

Flip.

 

Flip.

 

“You're gay?” Grimmjow's voice sounded apprehensive.

 

Ulquiorra could only scoff and shake his head. He wasn't gay. He wasn't straight. He didn't know what the hell he was. Was he an emotionless machine? Was he a robot? Was he actually even human? All he knew is that there was something eating away at him. He pulled out the other sketchbook and handed it over.

  
  
Flip.

 

Flip.

  
Flip.

 

He didn't go for genders. He didn't go for looks. He could care less about all of that. Why had he felt something for Nel? Why had he felt something for Grimmjow? They showed him what love was. They showed him kindness. They showed him what it felt like to be wanted. They showed him that they considered him to be more of a family than his own flesh and blood did.

 

All this anger and irritation bubbled in him.

 

“Is this why you've been bitchy?”

 

A nod.

 

“Why the fuck would you have feelings for me?”

 

“I do not know. It is the same thing with Nel.”

 

It scared Ulquiorra because he could not answer that question.

 

“Dude, you've not said a fucking word to Nel voluntarily since you've met her!”

 

He couldn't handle it.

 

“Doesn't mean I can't desire her. I am a teenage male. I do not wish to cause trouble. I am informing you.” Ulquiorra glanced at Grimmjow was staring at the sketchbooks still. The male's icy gaze flicked to his own murky one.

 

“So, what, you want to hook up with her and me? You want to be the third wheel in a relationship?”

 

“Again, I don't know,” came the monotone reply. “I just know that this feeling is eating away at me. I don't understand it. I can't accept it.”

 

Grimmjow excused himself and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Ulquiorra took this opportunity to run. He found himself on the roof of Grimmjow's apartment building, looking out at the city on that chilly, early spring night. His feet brought him closer and closer to the edge. All he saw was darkness dotted by tiny lights.

 

There was no way he could eradicate these emotions. As much as he squashed and stomped, they wouldn't go away. He didn't want to go back and comfort himself with Cirucci either. That wasn't a logical solution to the problem at hand. There had to be something in place that was more permanent.

 

Sadness overtook him and tears burned hotly in his eyes. He didn't want this. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want these emotions because when people showed their feelings, others got hurt. He didn't know if he could deal with Grimmjow or Nel rejecting him.

 

It would feel like when he was younger and that nanny had locked him in that closet. All of his life he'd been a reject. He'd been a freak. His own family spurned him.

  
  
Was he not a person? Did they think that their behavior would help him? Did they think their material gifts made up for abandoning him?

 

Maybe he didn't deserve love. Maybe it was better if he just made himself go away.  


It was a long way down to the ground.

 

All he had to do was take a couple more steps.

 

He heard the metal door open. Grimmjow sounded frantic as he called his name.

 

“Do not come closer,” he stated.

 

“Why the fuck are you doing this, Ulquiorra? You're scaring me, man.”

 

He could have laughed. Grimmjow was scared? Ulquiorra turned his head to look at him. Despite the turmoil, he was calm. He turned back to the city below him. “I told you. I don't understand what is going on with me. I can not accept this—whatever this is.”

 

“Don't you think we can logically find a way to figure this out? It's not that bad! Just think about this.”

 

Was there a way to figure this out? Was there logic to this? His foot shifted backward. Ulquiorra was retreating.

 

He felt himself being jerked backward and Ulquiorra found himself looking up at an angry Grimmjow.

 

“I swear to whatever, if you ever pull a fucking stunt like that again, I will kill you myself!” The other male's breath was hot against his ear. It just made the desire that more evident.

 

Ulquiorra was surprised as Grimmjow's mouth came down on to his. He just let it happen. He let the other kisses and touches happen. Somehow, they had stumbled their way back to Grimmjow's apartment. They fell onto the bed, Grimmjow's weight crushing the breath from his lungs.

 

He would have told Grimmjow to get off him but he heard the other teen snore. His friend was too drunk to know what happened between them. Ulquiorra stayed up for a while thinking of the most logical thing to do to contain and conceal his feelings. He would have to construct mental walls to keep people out.

 

It was possibly a horrible idea to cope with trauma.

 

Grimmjow seemed more careful around him after that night though.

 

His mood didn't really get any better when they were going to take Nel to the movies for her birthday. Nnoitra was there. Grimmjow had explained to him in vague detail why Nnoitra had disappeared. Every time his green eyes looked at the tall male, Ulquiorra had the urge to unleash all that pent up rage on the guy.

 

He didn't though.

 

His face was just unpleasant the entire time he had to be around the asshole. Because of _him_ , they never went to the movies. Because of _him_.their bonds as friends strained further as Nel and Grimmjow just stopped interacting.

 

Ulquiorra realized that people could outgrow each other. So when Grimmjow didn't want his company he sought Nel out. The girl had been confused when he sat next to her and her female friends.  


“What are you doing?” She hissed.

 

“Shut up, Nel,” he turned and gave her a dead serious stare with the corners of his mouth turned down. “I'm eating lunch with a _friend_. Is that alright with you?”

 

He almost gave up on people.

 

Then he met Sung-Sun, Cirucci's sister. She was the most delicate thing he'd ever seen. She had a precise manner to her. It was unexpected that he had even seen her. He was there to “talk” to Cirucci; Sung-Sun said that she was out. If he wanted to, he could _come inside_ and wait.

 

He ended up on Cirucci's couch with Sung-Sun's head between his legs. The blowjob felt a lot different than when the older woman would do it. The older woman looked hurt when she saw him and her sister after she walked into the house. The thing with Sung-Sun started out as just something that was sexual but eventually, Ulquiorra found himself in a relationship.

 

He didn't count his dating Loly's sister a relationship, he'd only taken her out three times. Cirucci was a bit more complicated and considered it his first serious relationship. He kept going back to her. It was just sex and advice to him; maybe the woman had different feelings but Cirucci obviously didn't like seeing him with her sister. No one knew he had a girlfriend though. He told no one.

 

Ulquiorra left Sung-sun because she flipped out that he had a female friend. He couldn't take that craziness. Nel was an important part of his life whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. He stayed single for a while.

 

At the party where they were celebrating their final term of high school, Ulquiorra had to keep Grimmjow from leaving. Nel would have to learn on her own as much as it hurt to say that. He found himself being dragged to some guy's dojo and he witnessed Grimmjow get his ass kicked.

  
  
The blue-haired kid had just accepted it. He didn't fight back.

 

When school started again, Nel was withdrawn and quiet but she sat with them at lunch and she would carry on conversations. Ulquiorra wasn't in the mood to deal with her. He still hadn't sorted his feelings out for her. He got angry and snapped at her a lot.

 

“You've got your head in the clouds, Nel.”

 

“Shut up, Ulquiorra.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“You sound just like Nnoitra.”

 

“Okay, let me rephrase that, delusional trash.”

 

Grimmjow didn't say anything. He knew what was going on. Then the males witnessed the scene between Nel and Nnoitra.

 

“That prick,” Grimmjow growled.

 

Ulquiorra realized why he never told Nel how he felt. It was pointless to feel something when someone was going to rip out your heart. It was right there, written all over Grimmjow's face.

 

Heartbreak.

  
  
“How could she?”

 

“You couldn't say you didn't see this coming,” Ulquiorra replied as he stood up. He walked back into the school. He didn't want to see whatever drama was going to unfold. He didn't want to have to put up more walls.

 

Grimmjow kept bitching to him about Nel and Nnoitra. Ulquiorra had had enough of it. “You can't say anything about them! You didn't even tell her how you felt. How did you expect her to know?”

 

“You're defending her?”

 

“No, I'm just saying she can't read your mind. You needed to say something when you had the chance.” Ulquiorra answered. “Be happy for her and him.”

 

The green-eyed teen felt like such a jerk when he saw the bruises on Nel's legs and arms. She said she fell. Both him and Grimmjow exchanged a look. That was the proverbial match that ignited the volatile vapors coming off of the blue-haired male.

 

They graduated. Ulquiorra was near the top of his class. He did well on the national entrance exam. He took the exam for an art university. He sold his art. He felt like he didn't really have a purpose.

 

Then he met Nemu. She was about as emotional as he was. She didn't care about sex. She was focused on her scientific research. Her dad was a scientist trying to discover the next big thing. They wouldn't talk. Ulquiorra could see himself with her for a long time.

 

He didn't have a lot of time to hang out after he found out he hadn't been accepted into the school. He tried harder to sell his art. Was he not good enough? His drawings were almost lifelike. People would comment on how beautiful they were.  


He moved out of his parent's house and into an apartment with Nemu. He was comfortable around her. She didn't expect anything out of him. The only time she showed any emotion was when she was PMS-ing.

 

Then he got a call from Grimmjow. Nnoitra was dead. Nel was in the hospital; would he come?

 

Ulquiorra didn't go to the hospital. From day one, he had never liked Nnoitra. He told Grimmjow this and the guy had blown him off. They had warned Nel to keep up her guard around the guy. She hadn't listened. She fell for his stupid games.

 

He wasn't one to gloat, so he just kept quiet.

 

It was several months after Nel went home from the hospital that he told them he was going to become a tattoo artist. The teal-haired woman looked hurt. Ulquiorra allowed Nel to distance herself from him. They weren't really close anyway. He had figured out a long time ago that she thought he was a pest.

 

He didn't think his boss was a bad guy. He wasn't involved with any criminals.

 

Grimmjow delivered a fatal to blow to him about eighteen months into his relationship with Nemu. He'd seen the woman walking into a hotel with some older guy. She was then seen with that Szayel guy that Nnoitra had brought around.

 

Ulquiorra had shrugged it off but it hurt.

 

What did she find so interesting in the other guy? Why hadn't Ulquiorra been enough?

 

Six months after that, they were done. He packed up what little he had and left. That night spent on Grimmjow's couch was the beginning of the end of Ulquiorra. He would unravel just like a sweater that hadn't been knitted properly. He was crumbling onto the floor. He didn't love Nemu but he had felt something for her that he kept hidden away.

 

He forgot about her because he saw the most extraordinary head of copper hair. No, he had never loved Nemu. Nemu hadn't made him feel this way.

 

All those mental walls he had put up?

 

They were destroyed.

 

Orihime had broken through every one of them until he felt like he'd been drowning; He wanted to end it but he couldn't bring himself to jump. He wanted to look at her all the time. He'd stay up late at night drawing her, taking care not to smudge anything. He fell in love with her over those months but they didn't have that happiness too long.

 

He'd fucked up. When he was in California, he thought a lot about how Nel said he was like Nnoitra. He wasn't like that guy. Ulquiorra had nothing in common with him. He would never hurt Orihime like Nel had been hurt.

 

For the first time in his life, he found someone he didn't want to leave behind but had to for the sake of his life. He hated himself for leaving. She accepted him for who he was. She accepted his flaws. She accepted his faults. She didn't expect anything from him. She never told him that he needed to change or to be a certain way.

 

He couldn't get enough of Orihime. Her smile; her kind eyes; her body. Ulquiorra found that he jerked off a lot while in his self-imposed exile. He would be thinking of her and it would happen. It was the first time in his life that he needed sex. He needed her.

 

Ulquiorra was himself. He wasn't the emotionless robot everyone thought he was. He was just a quiet one who liked to observe people, analyzing them. He had become the way he was because he didn't want to experience pain. He had built those walls so thick around himself that it would take an extremely strong person to tear them down.

 

Nel was wrong. He was not a needlessly violent person who needed to hurt others just to feel some justification and validation for his shitty life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skillet - One Day Too Late  
> Dave Matthews Band - You Might Die Trying  
> Civil Twilight - Come As You Are  
> 21 Pilots - Trapdoor  
> Vance Joy - Mess Is Mine  
> Shawn Mendes - Life of The Party  
> Kelly Clarkson - Because of You  
> Go Radio - Why I'm Home  
> Blue October - Ugly Side


	4. 69, or What Really Happened When The Bedroom Door Shut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What actually happened between Chapter 12 and 13 of Troubled By The Way We Came Together between Ulquiorra and Grimmjow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own, don't sue. Bleach and the characters belong to respective parties. I'm just a fan with a demented imagination. Please leave KUDOS and COMMENTS! I enjoy them.
> 
> Written for Miss Eli (*heartssomuch*) Who wanted to see what happened between the boys!
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS BOYS GIVING BOYS HEAD... So it's slash... like m/m stuff. Don't like it? Don't read it.

The only bad thing about being a smaller male was bigger people thought they could manhandle you. That's how Ulquiorra felt most of his life. People were just shuffling him along. Like right now, Grimmjow had him against his bedroom door, looking down at him.

 

Green eyes looked into blue ones.

 

“Heh,” Grimmjow chuckled.

 

“What?”

 

The blue-haired man didn't reply. Their breathing sounded too loud and too harsh in his ears. They were hesitating or stalling. Maybe, if they both calmed down, Ulquiorra could back out of this poorly planned activity. He still had no idea how they had gone from fighting to kissing and to here, with him pinned against the door again, just like that night when he had fucked Nel.

 

His breath caught in his throat as Grimmjow shoved a knee between his thigh, creating a pressure against his erection.

 

“Ulquiorra.”

 

“Hmmm?” The murky green eyes immediately were drawn to those lips that were moving.

 

“We are both wearing way too much clothing,” Grimmjow said. His tongue licked his bottom lip. This made Ulquiorra do the same.

 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

 

“Mmhmm.”

 

He felt his feet leave the ground. Grimmjow lifted him up against the door. “If you drop me, I swear to—”

 

“I'm not gonna drop you. Put your legs around my waist,” the blue-haired man said.

 

Doing as he said, Ulquiorra found himself eye to eye with Grimmjow. The man took Ulquiorra's arms and draped them over his shoulders. He was at a sudden loss for words. His mind, however, was playing tricks on him. He was imagining them that night. The past came back to bite him on the ass. He remembered the sketchbook where he had drawn hundreds of images of Grimmjow. They ranged from tame to very explicit. Ulquiorra swallowed.

 

What if Nel hadn't been in between them?

 

“What's wrong?” Grimmjow asked, his mouth close to Ulquiorra's pale ear.

 

The man shivered. “Don't do that,” he hissed.

 

“Don't do what? Whisper in your ear?”

 

“Nnggh,” Ulquiorra groaned. His desire did not dissipate, instead, it amplified.

 

Grimmjow's chuckle was low. “You wanted this, didn't you? You've been wanting this.”

 

“Fuck you,” Ulquiorra replied.

 

“I plan to,” the other man said.

 

It was Grimmjow who initiated the next kiss, roughly pressing his mouth against Ulquiorra's. He found his hands tangled in blue hair again. He felt the pressure leave his back and he realized that Grimmjow was carrying him over to the bed.

 

He was thrown through the air because he landed in the center of the bed with a dull crack from the wood frame. Ulquiorra could only watch as Grimmjow grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up. His blue eyes and hair disappeared for only a second then Ulquiorra was presented with nothing but a naked, muscled chest; tattoos going over the right pectoral and shoulder.

 

“Well?”

 

“Well what?”

 

“You gonna undress?”

 

“Tch.”

 

“What you want me to undress you?”

 

“No. I'm just saying we should rethink this,” Ulquiorra said.

 

Grimmjow looked at him with an unimpressed and at the same time disbelief expression. “Are you fucking serious? You're fucking serious. I can see it all over your face. Fine, leave and I'll just call up Orihime. It's been a while since I've dicked her down.”

 

The flare of rage that shot through Ulquiorra's eyes went unnoticed by Grimmjow. He launched himself at the bigger man once again. Grimmjow seemed surprised as Ulquiorra grabbed him by his hair. It was his turn to dominant this asshole.

 

He bit Grimmjow's shoulder. The cry the man gave just gave Ulquiorra more motivation. It didn't take long but the blue-haired man threw the smaller man off him. “What the fuck, Cifer?”

 

Ulquiorra watched as Grimmjow's hand went to his shoulder and then pulled it away. “Don't fucking mention her.”

 

“Why? You're the one who wants to have a threesome with her,” Grimmjow reminded him as inspected his fingers. “Had you made me bleed, I would have killed you. That hurt. Oh—Wait. I get it now. You're bothered by the idea too, aren't you?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Can you imagine Orihime in the same position Nel was in? Can you imagine how Princess would be crying out—Oof.”

 

Ulquiorra managed to tackle the other man and had him on the floor. He had his hands around Grimmjow's throat again.

  
The words that came out of Grimmjow's mouth were strained as the smaller man pressed down. “Maybe you don't want a woman between us. Is that it? I remember years ago. You showed me drawings, you drew of us. You want me to fuck you, don't you?”

 

The green-eyed man was going to respond but Grimmjow had smoothly pulled Ulquiorra's t-shirt off. It was somehow wrapped around his wrists and hands. “C'mon Ulquiorra. Don't make me tie you down with rope. I use it on Nel a lot.”

 

* * *

 

Grimmjow sat up and looked at the smaller man in his lap. They were both shirtless and he reached up to caress Ulquiorra's chest in a gentle manner. He had no reason he was doing this. This was all hormones governing his body.

 

He didn't miss the way Ulquiorra's breath caught in his throat as he ran his fingernails across his nipples. It made Grimmjow run his teeth over his lower lip. He grabbed the skin and pinched hard. Ulquiorra's eyes rolled back and Grimmjow heard him moan.

 

“You like that, don't you? Ulquiorra likes pain, don't you?” Grimmjow purred. He looked the man up and down. “I'm gonna make you love me by the time this is all over then if you enjoy pain.”

 

Ulquiorra said nothing as Grimmjow pushed him off and stood up. He looked down at the dark-haired man and grinned.

 

“Get up, now.”

 

The other male didn't hesitate and he got to his feet. Grimmjow turned him around, reaching around to the front of his jeans. He could feel Ulquiorra's dick through them. All he had to do was unzip and unbutton those pants, which he did.

 

He pushed his hand under the material and used his fingertips to touch hot skin. A small, tiny whimper came from his friend's mouth. He leaned down and put his mouth against Ulquiorra's ear. “You're gonna be my slut by the time I'm done with you.”

 

“Doubt it.”

 

“What?”

 

“I doubt it.”

 

“You're mouthy. I wonder what else your mouth can do,” Grimmjow said before gently biting the earlobe. He was rewarded with a moan.

 

He didn't waste anymore time. Grimmjow pulled Ulquiorra's jeans the rest of the way down and had the man step out of them and his socks.

 

“Take my shirt off of my hands,” Ulquiorra said once he was fully naked. “It feels like I'm going to rip it, if I pull.”

 

“It will rip,” Grimmjow said with a smirk. “Are you gonna attack me again? The next time you do, I swear I will destroy you. I will beat your ass.”

 

“No, now let me go.”

 

Grimmjow glowered but did as the smaller man asked. After he was free, he stood there. “Get on the bed,” the blue-haired man said.

 

* * *

 

He had done as Grimmjow demanded. He lay on his back, propped up by his elbows, studying Grimmjow. The man had walked over to one of the dressers and reached into the top draw. He watched as a tube flew through the air followed by a condom. “What the fuck is that for?” Ulquiorra asked, picking up the tube.

 

“One, I'm not gonna fuck you without a condom and two—”

 

“Are you trying to say I have some disease?”

 

“No, fuckface. I—I—you—I don't know—No! I'm gonna use one, regardless of what you say,” Grimmjow yelled. He held up two fingers. “Two, I've had anal sex with Nel; you use lube and you use a lot of it.”

 

Ulquiorra grabbed both items and threw them back toward Grimmjow. He was trying to aim for the man's head. “You're not using them.”

 

“You are either one kinky bitch or a hardcore bastard that enjoys pain,” he replied, then bent to pick up the lube and the condom off the floor. “I mean I know you're into pain but that's a bit extreme. I'm not gonna hurt you when I know there's ways around it.”

 

This made the dark-haired man scoff. “You're not using them because you're not fucking me.”

 

“That's what you wanted, isn't it?”

 

“I—I—I don't know what I want right now,” Ulquiorra replied. He had never felt so unsure in his life. It was disconcerting to him. On one hand, he wanted to know what Grimmjow felt like, just to scratch at a long time itch. The other hand told him to get the fuck out of there and never return.

 

His eyes followed the blue-haired man who was casually slipping off his jeans so that he was naked just like Ulquiorra. Then his pale body was covered with a much more tan and muscled one. The heat that radiated off of Grimmjow made him give a low moan.

 

“Heh.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Grimmjow kissed him again. Ulquiorra was aware that his friend had a certain smell. It was earthy, with a hint of musk; spicy with a hint of sweetness; woodsy with a bit of creaminess. He broke the kiss off and buried his face into the blue hair right above Grimmjow's ear. Why had he not noticed this before? Was it because he was too distracted.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Smelling you.”

 

“What the fuck? You're weird.”

 

“No, I'm not. You smell really good,” Ulquiorra replied.

 

The other man pulled back and looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. “I'm trying to get laid at the moment; you want to talk about how good I smell. Priorities?”

 

“It's the entire experience. Unlike you, I don't just want to pleasure myself. I've never been that way,” Ulquiorra replied. “I take all five senses into account when I'm having sex. I want to know what someone tastes like; smells like; feels like. I want to know what they look like when I'm doing things to them and I want to hear them.”

 

“You don't seem like that kind of guy,” Grimmjow stated. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Ulquiorra's. The dark-haired man didn't know how to take this gesture; he closed his eyes. Dealing with emotions was not on his agenda right now. “Do you want me?”

 

It was hard to nod with another person's head against his but he managed. Ulquiorra did want Grimmjow but everything was conflicting with what he knew. He felt Grimmjow's lips on his again then his chin, down his neck until they came to rest on one of his nipples.

 

* * *

 

There was no warning, Grimmjow's teeth just bit that small and sensitive buds of flesh. Ulquiorra bucked against him before he moved to the other side. He teased the flesh then bit down again, afterwards smoothing kisses along the abused skin.

 

The blue-haired man smiled as he continued his way down Ulquiorra's body. He traced every indent the guy had. Grimmjow had to marvel how flawless his body looked. There were a few faint silvery scars on him but that was it. He was also amazed how pale his friend was. It was a stark contrast against his own sun-kissed tan.

 

For the moment Grimmjow bypassed Ulquiorra's groin. He wasn't quite prepared for that yet. As his hands swept down the man's leg, a thought came over him. “You don't have any body hair, do you?” He asked.

 

“What? You call me weird but ask questions like that?”

 

“I'm just saying,” Grimmjow retorted. “You've got pubic hair, I can see it. It's black but anywhere else on your body, you don't.”

 

“And?”

 

Grimmjow glared at him. He had some body hair like on his legs but he didn't have any on his chest or arms. “I was making an observation. I'm trying this use the whole five senses thing for this. I mean we can get right to touching and all that if you'd like.”

 

“Bite me, asshole.”

 

“Do you mean that as an insult or do you want to play kinky pirates?” Grimmjow's eyes watched as Ulquiorra's mouth was fighting a smile.

 

“You are fucking strange,” he finally said.

 

The blue-haired man didn't reply, he was busy placing tiny kisses from Ulquiorra's knee to his inner thigh. He was doing as Ulquiorra said; trying to use his entire arsenal of sense to enjoy himself. It was too much though. “You smell like cedar, oranges and mint,” Grimmjow murmured.

 

“Bergamot.”

 

“Huh?” Grimmjow's head popped up and he looked at his friend who was propped up on his elbows again.

 

“It's not oranges. It's citrus, specifically bergamot.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Are you going to suck my dick?”

 

“What? Can't you fucking wait?”

 

“I was wondering because I kinda want to do what you just did. I don't think I'm gonna have another chance to explore your body.”

 

Grimmjow didn't need another invitation. He was on his back on the bed and Ulquiorra was straddling him. He started at his mouth; lips, fingers, tongue and teeth were pressed into his skin; dragged across flesh and it made Grimmjow groan. Ulquiorra let his tongue out to flick the head of his cock.

 

“Uuhhhgggnnn.” was all that the tall man could manage to vocalize.

 

A couple more tentative licks then the male's mouth was on the head. Grimmjow lifted his head to see the dark hair moving up and down. He struggled to a sitting position because of how good this felt. This didn't feel anything like what Nel had ever done to him.

 

Why would a man giving a blowjob feel better than someone who had given him head countless number of times?

 

“You've done this before, haven't you?”

 

* * *

 

Ulquiorra glared as he pulled away from what he was doing. “I have not,” he replied. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

 

“Why'd ya stop?”

 

“Because you're accusing me of giving head and having diseases.”

 

“I never said that. Look,” Grimmjow contended. “This feels really fucking good and really strange at the same time. Like it feels better than when Nel does it. You've had to had some experience with this. It's common sense to use a condom.”

 

His green eyes became annoyed. “I know that but we're not fucking.”

 

“This time.”

 

Ulquiorra scoffed. “Did it ever occur to you that I've read about oral sex? Did it ever occur to you that I'm doing to you what I like being done to me?”

 

Understanding seemed to come over Grimmjow's face. He lowered head to continue licking the cock in front of him but hands pulled him up.

 

“What—wait!”

 

He was now laying on top of Grimmjow who was on his back but Ulquiorra's face was pointed at the taller man's feet. He could feel Grimmjow's mouth on his inner thigh. There were hands on his ass. He felt fingers pressing against him.

 

“Don't you fucking dare,” Ulquiorra growled.

 

“Shut up.”

 

He shut up indeed because Grimmjow's tongue was flicking the sensitive skin that enclosed his testicles. Then he found both of his balls inside the man's mouth. Ulquiorra found he didn't mind the fingers when they were covered with the lubricant. He was too busy grinding his hips against Grimmjow's mouth and chest and hand.

 

He probably looked like some kind of wanton slut as his hand wrapped around the other man's cock. His pale fingers gave a few tentative strokes. Ulquiorra had to stretch to reach Grimmjow's dick with his mouth. The eight inches in height difference really mattered with things like this.

 

If Ulquiorra could tell anyone what this felt like, he would have to describe it as being absolutely consumed. He felt every touch that Grimmjow was giving him but amplified by a thousand times. There was no division between pleasure and pain. It became one.

 

Fingers slid in and out of him, touching that one spot that would make him grind harder against the chest below him. Grimmjow's mouth was on his balls, licking and sucking. He didn't know how much of this he could continue to take. He wanted to come so bad but every time he got close, Grimmjow would stop or he would smack his ass.

 

He felt the hands leave his ass and worm under his body. Long fingers wrapped around his cock and then he felt Grimmjow's mouth where his fingers were.

 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Grimmjow,” Ulquiorra panted.

 

The man didn't answer. He continued what he was doing to the pale body. Ulquiorra squeezed his eyes shut. He had to hold off on this, because it was too heavenly. It was pure, unfiltered lust and desire coursing through every cell and thought in his body.

 

He felt Grimmjow roll his hips and Ulquiorra started using his mouth on Grimmjow's cock again. He couldn't get very far down but he did the best he could without gagging.

 

They both were moving faster and faster until Ulquiorra felt the dick in between his lips swell slightly. He pulled back, not sure of what was going to happen.

 

His mouth was flooded with come. Ulquiorra was so lost in his thought he didn't notice the door closing. He swallowed not liking the taste at all. After he did that he lifted his face He'd read things about it was supposed to taste salty or bitter. Come was supposed to smell like bleach or chlorine. It didn't taste like anything. It didn't smell like anything.

 

Ulquiorra didn't notice that Grimmjow's fingers had once again moved to his ass or there was a hand on his cock and a mouth sucking on his thigh. All he knew was Grimmjow touched something inside of him and he let out a loud moan.

 

He did it again and Ulquiorra repeated the noise. “Keep doing that,” he panted. He kept his eyes shut. “Fuck. Grimmjow. I'm—I'm—I—”

 

His words were cut off because he was now coming and the hand on his cock was not stopping; the fingers in his ass kept touching that spot that made his body feel like his insides had liquefied. Ulquiorra's orgasm was long and drawn out, almost to the point of it becoming painful. He actually screamed, “Fuck.”

 

That was the point he rolled off Grimmjow and onto the bed. His chest and stomach felt sticky. The blue-haired man looked slightly surprised that the body on top of him disappeared. “You okay?” he quietly asked.

 

Ulquiorra didn't answer. He lay there naked, with come all over him and his arm over his face. He was taking deep breaths, trying to calm his body. He felt the bed shift but he didn't look to see what Grimmjow was doing. He felt it though.

 

The blue-haired man was cleaning him off. This made his face flush with heat. He had never had a sexual partner clean him off. He'd only done it to Orihime because he knew that there would be some blood. It was natural for first times.

 

When the bed shifted again, Ulquiorra raised his arm to peer at the man. Grimmjow was laying beside him; looking at him. He put his arm across his eyes again. At that moment, he felt so fucking embarrassed only because Grimmjow was smiling like an idiot.

 

“Hey,” he heard Grimmjow say.

  
  
“What?”

 

“Well?”

 

Thus started a dialogue that would ultimately end up with them getting caught.


	5. Outtake from Chapter 29 of Deep Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would have happened between Bazz, Nel, and Grimmjow had my editor not pointed out a GLARING fault...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't Own. Don't Sue.
> 
> ♥‿♥ For (my) EliEliPuddingPie (Yes, I gave *you* a pet name, whatchu gon' do 'bout it?), because she's awesome! 
> 
> My editor is a nice lady. She makes my words seem magical at times. Buttttt I have ideas that sometimes don't work. And this was one of them. 
> 
> 1\. The UST is funnier and creates conflict thus moves the story along. Having this happen wouldn't have opened any doors for dialogue and would have changed the ending a lot. It also would have changed part 4 heavily.  
> 2\. Bazz still isn't comfortable with the idea of him and Grimmjow like that...  
> 3\. Nel was raped. She might be thinking about having sexy time but when it comes down to it... Nah.
> 
> EVERYTHING IN THE CHAPTER IS THE SAME UP TO THIS POINT.

Nel took a step toward Bazz. A realization came over his face; he closed the distance between them quickly. His arms went around her waist. She had to hold out her arm to stop Grimmjow from coming closer and punching the other man.

 

“What the hell are you doing, Nel?” the blue-haired man asked.

 

“I'm doing what I want,” she said. She looked back at Grimmjow, turning in Bazz's arms. “C'mere Grimm.”

 

“Nel,” Bazz murmured. He nipped at the outer shell of her ear. “What are you doing?”

 

In seconds, she was sandwiched in between to muscular bodies. She couldn't help compare them now that she had them both with her. Bazz's shoulders were broader than Grimmjow's. The blue-haired man knew how to molest her neck in such a way that would have her panting. Bazz was taller but not by much. Both men had sizable dicks that she wanted inside of her right now.

 

"More. I want you both," she moaned.

 

Her eyes closed. Hands were all over Nel's skin, pushing her clothing up and down. Lips trailed hotly down her neck and were on her lips, a tongue sliding against hers. She had to keep from moaning too loudly. Hadn't she fantasized about this almost a week ago?

 

She had told herself no because she didn't want to deal with Grimmjow. Would they think of her as a whore or a slut if she actually told them what she wanted? After all only a few hours ago she had been raped. Nel pushed that thought into the place where all of her memories of Nnoitra lived. She wasn't going to deal with that right now.

 

All she wanted was to feel this; the pleasure; the pain; the flesh.

 

A hand tangled in her hair pulling her head back. She whimpered as a tongue lapped at her mouth. She parted her lips. Against her back, she felt the rumble of Bazz chuckling.

 

“You okay with this?” he asked her in between kissing her.

 

She gasped because Grimmjow just enveloped her nipple with his mouth. “Uh huh, I want you both,” she replied.

 

“Of course, she's okay with it. If she wasn't, we wouldn't be doing it,” Grimmjow said. “Nel's been in threesomes before.”

 

“And a foursome,” Bazz whispered in her ear.

 

“How do you know about that?” Nel asked, looking up at Bazz. Tsukishima had told her during her first day of captivity that he kept an eye on the house through cameras. He had forced Bazz to watch them at times. “Oh, never mind.”

 

“Do you like being in the middle?”

 

Nel bit her lip and blushed. She gave a slight nod. “Yes,” she replied.

 

“We can't do that,” Grimmjow said, straightening up. “Unohana said—”

 

“For future reference, Grimm. For future reference,” Bazz stated. Nel didn't miss the way his eyes traveled over her body hungrily. “I don't know though, Baby. It was a pretty tight fit for me. I've seen what Grimmjow has.”

 

“Nnnngh,” Nel moaned.

 

“You're thinking about it, aren't you?” Grimmjow asked. The teal-haired woman nodded. “Tell us what you want, Nel.”

 

She pushed Grimmjow and Bazz away from her and stripped off the t-shirt she was wearing, along with her bra. Both men watched her as if she was a piece of raw meat being dangled in front of hungry lions. “How about I show you instead?”

 

Her jeans were slipped down her legs and then Nel was standing in front of them, naked and almost seven months pregnant.

 

“I get her first,” Grimmjow said, with a dead serious expression on his face.

 

“The hell you do,” Bazz retorted.

 

“Stop. If you fight over me, no one gets me,” Nel scolded. “No one is going to get left out. I'll just suck one dick while getting fucked by the other. If we have enough time _and_ you two can get it up again, you can switch places.” She couldn't hold back a smirk as both men swallowed. “Any questions?”

 

Clothing flew around the room, the two men were naked and pretty soon Nel was seated on Grimmjow's lap, carefully impaled on his dick. The blue-haired man was seated on those floor mats that were in the corner. He was groping her tits and she had a hand on Bazz's cock, stroking the length of it. Grimmjow was kissing her also so she couldn't make good on the promise to orally please anyone. When she couldn't breathe, Nel pulled away from the blue-haired man. He smirked and raked his teeth over his bottom lip.

 

“You ready?” he asked.

 

“Do you need to ask?”

 

“Start sucking him; you're gonna want something to muffle your screams,” Grimmjow offered. Nel saw how the man inside of her look up at the other one.

 

Her eyes went to Bazz's face before she leaned over and flicked her tongue over the head of his dick. Grimmjow's rhythm started out with the pace as slow as her mouth slid over Bazz but soon he was fucking her faster than she could move and she was moaning and crying out, eyes squeezed shut from the pleasure that was shooting through her body.

  
All the sounds were muffled. Grimmjow had made a good judgment call.

 

Nel would open her eyes a couple times to see Bazz staring at Grimmjow. She didn't understand it but the idea was kind of hot to think about. She hadn't mind Grimmjow and Ulquiorra fooling around. Grimmjow's mouth was on her jaw and she felt his tongue slide across the angle and then his lips were also on Bazz's dick.

 

“Fuck,” came the groan from Bazz.

 

Nel pulled back from her task and looked at Grimmjow. “What the hell?”

 

“What?” the blue-haired man asked. “It looked like you needed some help.”

 

“Both of you need to shut up and keep doing that. I don't care if you fight over it, just suck it,” the red-haired man said.

 

Nel playfully glared at Grimmjow before motioning Bazz to stand so his dick was between them. “You're going to regret that Bazz,” the teal-haired woman said before she placed a kiss on the head of his cock. Grimmjow was on the other side doing the same thing.

 

Bazz would later tell Nel when they were getting dressed that he didn't regret it. He came hard while Nel had her mouth around him and Grimmjow was licking Bazz's balls.

 

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and shook his head.

 

“What? You didn't enjoy that?”

 

“I didn't say anything.”

 

“You two need to come to my apartment for a weekend.”

 

“Why? So we can get kidnapped?”

 

Nel sighed and it went all downhill from there.

 


End file.
